Watches Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The average Englishman, in his home he calls his castle, puts on his national costume - A shabby Raincoat patented by Charles MacIntosh of Glasgow, Scotland. He drives a car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland. At the office he receives his mail with adhesive stamps which, although they bear the queen of England`s head, were invented by John Chambers of Dundee, Scotland. During the day he uses the telephone, Invented by Alexander Graham Bell of Edinburgh, Scotland. At home in the evening he watches his daughter ride her bicycle, invented by Kilpatrick MacMillan, A Blacksmith from Dumfries, Scotland. He watches the news on television which was invented by John Logie Baird of Helensburough Scotland and hears an item about the U.S. Navy founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland. He has now been reminded too much of Scotland, and in desperation picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot - King James VI - more...

    Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

    If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films ended with a scream and a flush.

    Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

    Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

    Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax. Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

    Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches more...

    A tourist in a strange town notices that her watch is broken. She starts
    looking for a repair shop. After a long and frustrating search she
    finds herself in an area where many shop signs are in Hebrew. Finally,
    she notices that one of the stores has all kinds of clocks and watches
    ticking merrily in the window. She walks into the shop and puts her watch
    on the counter in front of the proprietor.
    Tourist: "Would you please repair this watch."
    Proprietor: "Madam, I cannot repair your watch."
    T: "But why not? It is an ordinary model."
    P: "Madam, I do not repair watches. I am a moel, I perform circumcisions."
    T (irritated): "Then why on earth do you have all these clocks in your window?"
    P: "Well, and what should I have in my window?"

    Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle. They head to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, "Dat's dem."

    The owner comes over and asks if he can help them.

    "Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere," says Gerry,

    The owner puts the budgies in a paper bag. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's Hiace to drive to the top of the Conor Pass.

    At the Conor Pass, Gerry looks down at the 1000-foot drop and says, "Dis looks like a grand place."

    He takes two birds out of the bag, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

    Paddy watches as Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead.

    Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says; "Feck dat. Dis budgie jumping is too feckin' dangerous for me."


    Moment's later Seamus arrives more...

    Yo momma so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

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