Virus Jokes / Recent Jokes

X-files virus:
All your Icons start shape shifting
Spice Girl virus:
Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop
Ronald Reagan virus:
Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored
Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus:
Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them
Sonny Bono virus:
Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of no where
Martha Stewart virus:
Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop
AT&T virus:
Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting
MCI virus:
Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back

The year 2000 dilemma has been solved.
This is a memo to announce the development of a new software system.
We are currently building a data centre that will contain all firm data that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as the "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).
At 9:00am next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS.
As for the status of the implementation of the program, I have not addressed the networking aspects so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed once MYASS expands.
Several people who are using the program already have come to depend on it. Just this morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. I've noticed that some of the less more...

What did one virus say to the other virus?
Keep away from me, I think I've got penicillin!

You have just received the Reneck Virus. Because we don't use electricity, we don't have any computers or programming experience, so this virus works on the honor system.
Please delete all the files from your hard drive and then manually forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thank you for your cooperation and... God bless you.
The Computer Engineering Department.

If you see a message on the boards with a subject line of "BADTIMES", delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it.
This is the most dangerous virus yet. It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer (20' range at 72 Fahrenheit). It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play. It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother's number. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear more...

> A great new software announcement!!!!
>
> This memo is to announce the development of a new software system. We
> are currently building a data center that will contain all firm data
> that is Year 2000 compliant. The program is referred to as the
> "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).
>
> Next Monday at 9: 00 there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS
> to everyone. We will continue to hold demonstrations throughout the
> month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good
> look
> at MYASS. As for the status of the implementation of the program, I
> have
> not addressed the networking aspects so currently only one person at a
> time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS
> expands.
>
> Several people are using the program already and have come to depend
> on
> it. Just this morning I walked into a subordinate's office more...

Bill Clinton Virus:- Gives you a 7-inch hard drive, then won't allow you to query the system for information.
Hillary Clinton Virus:- Files vanish, only to mysteriously reappear a year later, but in a different directory.
George Bush Virus:- It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs... No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.
Congressional Virus:- The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Congressional Virus #2:- Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
Politically Correct Virus:- Never identifies itself as a 'virus'. Instead, it refers to itself as a 'electronic microorganism'.
Monica Lewinsky Virus: - Will suck all the memory out of your computer and then email everyone about what it more...