Traffic Jokes / Recent Jokes

I am starting a new topic here.
In our day to day life we come across many hilarious real-life situations. It can be a funny sign-board, funny mistake in a news paper or a shop sign board or an overheard conversation or any such thing we encounter in our daily life.
If we are keen observers we can spot many such funny things around us(Some examples are given below):-
A traffic sign board on the East Coast Road from Pondichery to Chennai:
"HEAVEN CAN WAIT. DRIVE SLOWLY'.
Another Traffic Sign Board seen at Chembur in Mumbai
"HOSPITAL CEILINGS ARE BORING TO LOOK AT. DRIVE CAREFULLY'

So..... citizens of Ananthapuri are requested to start posting their funny finds. Only condition is that the matter posted should be real and it would be nice if you can add details such as the name of the place etc...........

A Marine Colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual, nothing is moving."

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what seems to be the hold up?"

The officer replies, "The President is just so depressed that Hillary has moved to New York, and may leave him altogether that he just stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway, and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family absolutely hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers for that whole Monica and Paula thing. So I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."

"Oh really? How much have you collected so far?"

"So far about three hundred gallons, but I've got a lot of more...

The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.
If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

During a traffic stop a police officer is swatting at a fly that is circling around his head, and blurts out what kind of damn fly is that anyhow. The traffic offender replies, “that’s a circle fly”. The officer replies that he’s never heard of a “circle fly”.
The offender replies circle flies are usually found circling around a horses ass. Enraged, the police officer says, “are you calling me a horses ass? ”, to which the traffic offender replied, “no sir, but you can’t fool a circle fly.

A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day.' What for?' he snapped at the judge. His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared,' Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!' Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented.' That's all right. You don't have to pay now.' The young man replied,' I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words.'

A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in LA and he's stopped in traffic and thinks "wow, this traffic seems worse than usual, we're not even moving."
He notices a police officer walking down the highwayin between the cars and he rolls down his window and says "Excuse me officer, what's the hold up?"
"O. J. just found out the verdict, he's all depressed. He's lying down in the middle of the highway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire. He just doesn't have the $8. 5 million for the Goldmans. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."
The man says "Oh really? How much have you got so far?"
"So far?.... Ten gallons."

Fly the Friendly Skies in your Cessna And who says our controllers don't have a sense of humor?
November 22, 1996 - Any More Complaints? The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a 360 (do a complete circle, usually done to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a 360 in this airplane?" Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth."
November 15, 1996 - What the...?! PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called the tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little problem, so go ahead and let PSA go first." The tower promptly cleared PSA fortakeoff before United had a chance to object to the impersonation.
November 8, 1996 - Which Exit Did You Say That Was? A DC-10 had an exceedingly long landing rollout after landing with his approach speed just a little too more...