Tourists Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Hotel Odeon in Paris is offering tourists a 'Diana Tour' - a personal reenactment of Princess Diana's last night alive. For $50 extra you can enjoy the "Land Mind Obstacle Course".

Q: How many tourists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Six. One to hold the bulb and five to ask for directions.

there was once a golfer and his caddy. The golfer and the caddy went to a night club. That
night the caddy went home with a japanese girl.
So they went into his apartment and made love for hours on end. while they were doing it the
girl started shouting out "YAKAMOUDO!"
The next day the caddy and the golfer went out golfing and there were lots of japanese tourists
there. Then the golfer got a hole in one and the
tourists yelled out "YAKAMOUDO!" The caddy said to the golfer that must mean very good. Then the golfer said actually it means wrong hole.

Two American tourists in France stopped a gendarme on the street and complained about the behavior of the druggist down the block. "We went there to buy some prophylactics," one admitted, "but the druggist didn't speak English and we couldn't make him understand what we wanted."
"Please continue," the officer urged.
"I tried to communicate by example," the tourist explained. "I exposed myself to him, put some money on the counter and pointed to my organ. He still didn't get the point, so my friend did the same."
"Did he understand then?" the gendarme asked.
"He smiled as if he did," the American grumbled. "But then he just opened his fly, took out the largest penis I've ever seen and scooped up the money."

There was a tour bus in Egypt that stopped in the middle of a town square. The tourists are all shopping at the little stands surrounding the square. One tourist looks at his watch, but it is broken, so he leans over to a local who is squatted down next to his camel. "What time is it, sir?"
The local reaches out and softly cups the camel's genitals in his hand, and raises them up and down. "It's about 2: 00", he says. The tourist can't believe what he just saw.
He runs back to the bus, and sure enough, it is 2: 00. He tells a few of the fellow tourists his story, "The man can tell the time by the weight of the camel's genitals!! One of the doubting tourists walks back to the local and asks him the time, the same thing happens!! It is 2: 05. p. m.
He runs back to tell the story. Finally, the bus driver wants to know how it is done. He walks over and asks the local how he knows the time from the camel's genitals. The local says "Sit down here more...

A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."

A fellow at the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"

"1215," answers the guide.

The man looks at his watch and says, "Damn! Just missed it by a half hour!"

A tourists guide was talking with a group of school kids at Yellowstone park when one of the kids asked him if he had ever came face-to-face with a wolf.

"Yes, I came face to face with a wolf once. And as luck would have it, I was alone and without a weapon."

"What did you do?" the little girl asked.

"What could I do?

First, I tried looking him straight in the eyes but he slowly came toward me. I moved back, but he kept coming nearer and nearer. I had to think fast."

"How did you get away?"

"As a last resort, I just turned around and walked quickly to the next cage."