Tossed Jokes / Recent Jokes

You must sing this to yourself to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies to get the full effect!)
Come and listen to my story' bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with little fraction gone,
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife,
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis, that is.
Clean Cut. Missed his nuts.

Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car taken' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out of the window as she rounded a bend.
Curve, that is.
Tossed the nub. In the shrub.
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "Over there"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.
Found, that is.
By a fence. Evidence.
Now peter and John couldn't stay apart more...

This is the latest joke doing the rounds in Frankfurt, since East and West Germany were united. A Frenchman, a Scotsman, a West German and an East German met in a restaurant to celebrate. The Frenchman ordered a bottle of champagne and poured it out to his friends. The bottle was only half-empty when he tossed it out of the window. "Why did you do that?" asked the others. "Not to worry," replied the Frenchman "we have plenty of champagne in France and can afford to waste some."
The Scotsman ordered a bottle of premium brand Scotch and filled four glasses. Following the Frenchman's example, he tossed the bottle, still half-full, out of the window. "Why did you do that?" asked his companions. "Not to worry," replied the Scotsman, "there is plenty of Scotch available in my country. Wasting some doesn't make much difference."
It was the turn of the West German. He didn't know what to offer his friends. So he picked up more...

A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world," he announced. Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed. "Strike One!" he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again,"I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed. "Strike Two!" he cried. The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, "I'm the greatest hitter in the world!" Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. "Strike Three!" "Wow!" he exclaimed. "I'm the greatest pitcher in the world.

Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John
A poor ex-Marine with a little fraction gone
It seems one night after getting with his wife
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
PENIS, that is.
Clean cut.
Missed his nuts.
Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by John's side
And Lorena's in the car taking Willie for a ride
But she soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded the next bend.
CURVE, that is.
Tossed the nub.
In the shrub.
Then she went to the cops and confessed to the attack
So they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "over there!"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.
FOUND, that is.
By a fence.
Evidence.
Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a Dick Doctor said, "Hey, I can fix that dong."
A needle and thread is more...

An eagle was feeling rather horny, so he swooped down on a dove and
took it back to his nest. Once back at the nest the dove said, "I'm a dove
and I like love."
The eagle thought, "Stuff that," and tossed the dove out of the
nest. Then the eagle spotted an owl. So he swooped down on the owl and
took it back to his nest. Once back at the nest the owl said, "I'm an owl
and I like to howl."
The eagle thought, "Stuff that," and tossed the owl out of the
nest. Then the eagle spotted an duck. So he swooped down on the duck and
took it back to his nest. Once back at the nest the duck said, "I'm a
drake and I think you've made a mistake!"
Brad. W. A. Regional Computing Centre