Tossed Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

A survey of personnel executives at large companies provided the following unbelievable but supposedly true examples of job applicant behavior.
"The reason the candidate was taking so long to respond to a question became apparent when he began to snore."
"When I asked the candidate to give a good example of the organizational skills she was boasting about, she said she was proud of her ability to pack her suitcase' real neat' for her vacations."
"Why did (the applicant) go to college?" His reply: "To party and socialize."
"When I gave him my business card at the beginning of the interview, he immediately crumpled it and tossed it in the wastebasket."
"I received a resume and letter that said that the recent high-school graduate wanted to earn $25 an hour-'and not a nickel less.'"
"(The applicant) had arranged for a pizza to be delivered to my office during a lunch-hour interview. I asked him more...

3 men were sitting in a plane. They were talking about peace when the subject of weapons came up. They decided to never use weapons again to hurt anyone else.
The first man pulled out a heavy rock from under his seat and said, "I used to throw rocks like this at people I disliked. Now I know better," and with that he yanked open the emergency exit and tossed out the rock.
The second man pulled out a knife and decided he didn't want to harm anyone either, so he tossed it out the open door.
The third man gets up and opens the storage compartment and takes out a bomb. "Well, I always carry one of these around, I always wondered what it would be like to set it off. Now I know better," and he tosses it out the window.
The plane lands and the 3 men have to drive back in a rented car to their hotel.
On the way back they notice a small child sobbing on the street. They ask her what's wrong and she replies, "I was walking home and I saw this rock more...

Sung to the tune of "The Beverly Hillbillies"
Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with little fraction gone,
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife,
She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.
Penis, that is.
Clean Cut. Missed his nuts.
Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car taken' Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the window as she rounded a bend.
Curve, that is.
Tossed the nub. In the shrub.
She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "Over there"
To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.
Found, that is.
By a fence. Evidence.
Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too long
So a dick doc said, "Hey, I can fix that more...

Sung to the tune of "The Beverly Hillbillies"Come and listen to my story 'bout a man named John, A poor ex-marine with little fraction gone, It seems one night after gettin' with the wife, She lopped off his dong with the swipe of a knife.Penis, that is.Clean Cut. Missed his nuts.Well, the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side, And Lorena's in the car taken' Willie for a ride.She soon got tired of her purple-headed friendAnd tossed him out the window as she rounded a bend.Curve, that is.Tossed the nub. In the shrub.She went to the cops and confessed to the attack, And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.They sniffed and they barked and they pointed "Over there"To John Wayne's henry that was waving in the air.Found, that is.By a fence. Evidence.Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too longSo a dick doc said, "Hey, I can fix that dong!""A needle and a thread is all we're gonna need"And the whole world waited till more...

Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.

A man was browsing in an antique store when he came upon a statue of a rat. He asked the price and the owner said, "The statue of the rat is $100; the legend behind the statue is another $100."
The man agreed to buy only the statue itself, although the owner warned as he left, "You'll be back for the legend!"
The man tossed the statue into the back seat of his car and started to drive away.
There were several rats in the alley that began to chase the car. As he went through town, many more rats began to chase the car, until literally hundreds of rats were swarming the car.
Frightened, the man sped toward the edge of town to a bridge over the river. He tossed the statue over the bridge and into the water below. All the rats jumped in after the statue and drowned.
The man, now visibly shaken, returned to the antique store.
The owner, seeing him approach, said, "Now, do you want the legend behind the statue of the more...