Tonic Jokes / Recent Jokes
Marketing is a foreign language unto itself:
GM cars: Originally sold in Belgium using the slogan, "Body by Fisher," which translated as "Corpse by Fisher."
The Jotter: A pen made by Parker. In some Latin countries, jotter is slang for "jockstrap."
Puffs tissues: In Germany, puff is slang for "whorehouse."
Cue toothpaste: Marketed in France by Colgate-Palmolive until they learned that Cue is also the name of a popular pornographic magazine.
Schweppes Tonic Water: The company changed the name from Schweppes Tonic Water to Schweppes Tonica when they learned that in Italian, "il water" means "the bathroom."
The Ford Caliente: Marketed in Mexico, until Ford found out "caliente" is slang for "streetwalker." Ford changed the name to S-22.
The Rolls-Royce Silver Myst: In German, mist means "human waste." (Clairol's Mist Stick curling iron had the same problem.)
Laying more...
A young doctor went to look at a practice that was up for sale in a very remote part of West Virginia. It looked perfect with a comfortable house, fully equipped lab, and lovely gardens.
The old doctor even quoted a very affordable price. "This looks great," said the young doctor. "I just can't figure out how you're able to have such a nice set up with so few people to practice on.
"It's just simple common sense, and a strong work ethic," replied the older medico. "For example, most folks around here take a couple weeks off for a vacation every year. My wife and I, however, spend the time at home, gardening and putting things in order. Our herb garden gives us a huge harvest because of that, so we mix the herbs and boil them up for my secret tonic."
"But that doesn't explain this fine house and all this land," said the younger man.
The elder doc replied, "That's where going that extra bit pays off. I run into my more...
There was a Barber Shop on a military reservation, and a Colonel and a Sergeant are both getting haircuts. The Colonel's barber is about done with him, and asks him if he wishes hair tonic.
The Colonel says, "Hell no, if I get that stuff on my hair, my wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!". Right after that, the Sergeant's barber asks him the same question.
The Sergeant replies, "Go ahead and put some on, my wife doesn't know what a whorehouse smells like!".
A scofflaw who came to be known as the "gin and tonic bandit" went to the same restaurant each Wednesday, ordered two drinks and a rib-eye steak, then skipped out on his $25.96 bill.
It is not known what kind of drink he ordered.
One day a drunk walked into a bar and ordered a gin and tonic. He drank half of it and poured the rest on the bartender. The bartender got angry, grabbed the drunk by the collar, pulled him close to his face, and asked, "Why did you do that?" The drunk said very apologetically, "I am so very sorry sir. Please forgive me. I can't help it. It's an illness I can't get rid of. I am so ashamed of it. How can I make it up to you?" The bartender answered, "Haven't you seen anyone about this problem?" The drunk replied, "I never thought of that. Maybe I will." The bartender said, "Don't come back until you do get help," and the drunk left. About three months later the drunk came back to the same bar, ordered another gin and tonic, drank half of it, and poured the rest of it on the bartender. The bartender shouted, "I thought I told you not to come back until you got help!" The drunk replied, "I did. Now I don't feel more...