Tide Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Dear Tide:
    I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it ever since the beginning of my married life, when my Mom told me it was the best.
    Now that I am older and going through menopause, I find it is even better. In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.
    My unfeeling and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started to become a pain in the neck.
    One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out.
    After a quick trip to the supermarket and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out!
    In fact, the stains came out so well, that some detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests were negative and my attorney said that I would no longer be considered a suspect!
    I more...

    What's the least popular detergent in Japan?

    you're so ugly even the tide wouldn't take you out

    1. There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it?2. A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents. What time is it?3. A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it's highest, how many rungs are under water?4. There is a house with four walls. Each wall faces south. There is a window in each wall. A bear walks by one of the windows. What color is the bear?5. Is half of two plus two equal to two or three?6. There is a room. The shutters are blowing in. There is broken glass on the floor. There is water on the floor. You find Sloppy dead on the floor. Who is Sloppy? How did Sloppy die?7. How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel?8. If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of water more...

    This is a certified true story.
    One of the instructors at the local training centre decided to try to pull the leg of one the labourers who worked there.
    He told the lad, who lived in a little fishing port about 12 miles away, that there was a job coming available soon in his home town.
    The lad asked what job this was, and was told that the job was not very arduous, but paid good money because it involved unsocial hours, going out to the end of the 679 meter pier twice a day and telling the tide when it was time to come in.
    "You must think I'm soft", he said, and the boys thought he'd twigged, only for him to restore their faith in his stupidity -
    "That sort of job is handed down from father to son; I've no chance", he says!

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