Thumb Jokes / Recent Jokes

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.

3. The dot over the letter i is called a "tittle"

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The' spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily. (This is frightening).

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into more...

a boy had reached four without giving up sucking his thumb, though his mother tried to do everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit.finally she tried threats warning her son that "if you dont stop sucking your thumb your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon" later that day while walking in the park the mother and her son saw a pregnant women sitting on a bench. the four year old considered her gravely for a minute then spoke to her saying " uh-oh i know what you have been doing!"

The following is a true story. There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"

Got a minute? There were three Filipino friends who were invited to a Mood Party. In order to be allowed access into the party, each person had to make an appearance as a mood or feeling. The first guy went to the supermarket and bought a pear. The second, bought a dress and the last bought a custard pie. Confused with each other, they decided to go to the party and let the host clear things up between them. The host of the party opens the door and asks the first Filipino guy, "What's the pear for?" The Filipino guy sticks out his thumb and plops the pear right over his thumb. Baffled, the host asks what this all means. The Filipino guy answers, "I'm in' dis pear (despair)!" The host smiles and let's him in. The second one busts out his dress. When asked to explain, he takes off all of his clothes, throws them to the corner and wears the dress. He then explains, "I'm in' dis dress (distress)!" The host then smiles again and let's him in as well. By this more...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Thumb!
Thumb who?
Thumb like it hot and thumb like it cold!

Four international executives are playing golf. On the third hole a ringing sound is heard. The British golfer fumbles in his bag, picks out his cellular phone, turns away from his partners and has a brief conversation.
“Terribly sorry chaps, but one has to keep one’s finger on the pulse and all that. ” His companions murmur acknowledgment.
On the fourth hole there is another ring. The American says “excuse me”, places his thumb to his ear and holds his pinkie near his mouth, and has an intense conversation. He turns back to the bewildered group.
“Oh, this is the latest thing on the Coast, ” he says “I’ve got a microphone grafted into my pinkie and a receiver in my thumb. It’s really convenient. ”
They play on for a few more holes, at which point there is a loud ring. The German, who had been leaning over his putt, snaps to attention. “Ja, verstehen, verstehen, ja, ja. Auf Wiedersehen. ” He snaps back to normal.
“This is really the more...