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A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when....................................
Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the more...

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand and quietly fastens his seat belt.

All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on more...

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?" "No," her mother replied. "Well, I think I have to throw up!" "Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" her mother asked. "Yes," the little girl replied. "Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?" "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy." the little girl replied. "They have a box next to the front door that says,' For the sick'."

An old lady in her seventies gives thought to all the things she's done in her life. She thought about the things she hadn't done and decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the old lady begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the old lady attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere more...

Show up with a baby and claim he belongs to the newlyweds.
Cover yourself with glue to improve your chances of catching the bouquet.
Offer to show people pictures of the bride having sex with a dog.
Tell people that you knew the bride before the sex change operation.
Tell the bride that the only reason you can look at her is that you used to be a proctologist.
Instead of a standard gift, give the newlyweds a gift certificate for a drug rehab clinic.
As you move down the receiving line, spit on each person.
Ask the bride's mother to give you a hand job.
Give the bride some Bianca, and tell her it kills the taste of sperm.
Propose a toast to the bride's nose job.
Steal the cards from the wedding gifts so no one can tell who they came from.
Walk up to various guests and demand to see their invitations.
After the bride throws her garter, start people chanting, "Throw your bra, throw your bra..."
Tell everyone that the groom had more...

An apple, a banana and a penis are having a conversation.
Apple: I hate humans!
Others: Why?
Apple: They peel me, cut & eat me and throw my seeds away, thats why.
Banana: Is that all? I hate humans more than you do.
Others: Why?
Banana: They peel me, eat me, throw my skin away and step on it.
Penis: I hate humans the most.
Others: Why?
Penis: My master Puts this plastic bag over me, Put me in this really dark cave and make me do push-ups till I spew!

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said. "Can we leave now?" "No," her mother replied. "Well, I think I have to throw up!" "Then go out the front door and to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush." In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" her mother asked. "Yes," the little girl replied. "Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?" "I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy." the little girl replied. "They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the sick'."