Thought Jokes / Recent Jokes

4 men - a Marathi, Bengali, Gujrati and our Santa were being interviewed for a top job. With nothing to choose between them, the President told them over dinner that the decisive test would be carried out the following morning, with each candidate being asked the same question and the best answer would get them the job. The next morning, first up was the Marathi. "Here`s your question," said the President, "What`s the fastest thing in the world?" Without hesitation, he replied "A thought, because it takes no time at all." "Very good answer," said the President. Next up was the Gujrati, "What`s the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. "A blink," replied the Gujju almost instantaneously, "cos you don`t think about a blink. It`s a reflex." "Good answer," replied the president. Next was the Bengali, "What`s the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. The Bengali thought for a more...

Ever hear of the redneck who thought that "Manual Labor" was the new Mexican President?

BRAIN - SYSTEM: Attention. Alert registered.
CENTRAL: Alert? Number One, report!
NUMBER ONE: Sir! We're picking up loud music.
CENTRAL: Music? We were just asleep!
NUMBER ONE: Yes sir. Ears report it's "The Last Train to Clarksville."
CENTRAL: Good lord, are we being tortured?
NUMBER ONE: Sir, Eyes are functional and request instruction.
CENTRAL: Tell them to open up and try to find out what is going on.
NUMBER ONE: Scope! Okay, I see darkness... darkness... Wait, there's a
woman sleeping there.
CENTRAL: A woman?
NUMBER ONE: Sir, Libido Station wants to know if it is Anna Kournikova.
CENTRAL: Forget about Libido. What can you tell me?
NUMBER ONE: Sir, Memory reports a near perfect match to "wife," sir.
CENTRAL: Well of course. Keep looking.
NUMBER ONE: Sir, urgent report from Stomach on the horn, do you want to take it?
CENTRAL: Stomach, what's going on?
STOMACH: Sir, we've taken a more...

(A sad story of a lion>. .>. ..> )
In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day.
The lion thought its prayers were answered when one U. S. Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the U. S. Zoo.
The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment, a goat or two every day and a U. S. Green Card also.
On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast. The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few
bananas.
Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.
The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.
The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him,'Don't you know I am the lion... king of the more...

Timmy, age 4 went to see Santa for the first time, and he asked
Santa for lots of toys. The next day, his mother and Timmy had
to go out and do some more shopping. They saw Santa again and
Timmy sat on Santas lap a second time.
When Santa asked Timmy what he wanted for Christmas, he said in a
questioning voice "But I told you what I wanted yesterday!?
Santa quickly covered himself by quickly saying that he thought
Timmy might have thought of something else to add to his list.
When they went out again a few days later, Timmy asked his mother
if Santa was going to be there. She promptly told him he would.
Timmy thought a bit then said "I thought of something else to add
to my list then."
"What is that? asked Mom.
"Why an elf, of course. replied Timmy.
"An elf? Whatever do you want an elf for? queried Mom.
"Why ask for toys when I can ask for elves, replied Timmy, more...

(This was posted a week ago in talk.pol.misc, but thought I'd let you
mull it over. It is original writing, and is typical of my callous mode
of social thought which I occasionally fall into.)
Like many people, I have been thinking about the problem of homelessness in
America's cities. Besides the obvious suffering of the homeless people, the
spectacle of raggedly dressed people bent for warmth in the subways and bus
stations of the cities greets visitors with a pronouncedly negative image.
I have struck upon a means of eliminating the privation of the homeless while
lessening the adverse impact they have on the surrounding neighborhoods.
At a cost of about $250 per individual, each can be outfitted with a friendly
Disney character costume. Generous insulation and bright, stain resistant
colors would help to insure that the occupant remains warm inside and cheerful
outside. As there are so many different characters, each more...

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot". The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,"Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...Va-voom.". The third man married a school teacher. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty but teachers are just too frigid". The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day. At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The more...