Thompson Jokes / Recent Jokes

A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do - everyone except for Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic.
Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit this' miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. When it was time for his appointment he told the doctor, "Hey, doc, I've lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?"
The doctor scratched his head and mumbled to himself a little, then told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47."
So the doctor brought the jar out, opened it, and told Mr. Thompson to taste it. He tasted it and immediately spit it out, "This is gross!" he yelled. "Looks like I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Thompson," said the doctor. So Mr. Thompson went home.... very mad.
One month later, Mr. Thompson decides to go back to the doctor and try once again to expose him as a fake, by complaining of a new more...

A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do - everyone except for Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic.
Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. When it was time for his appointment he told the doctor, "Hey, doc, I've lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?"
The doctor scratched his head and mumbled to himself a little, then told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47."
So the doctor brought the jar out, opened it, and told Mr. Thompson to taste it. He tasted it and immediately spit it out, "This is gross!" he yelled. "Looks like I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Thompson," said the doctor. So Mr. Thompson went home... very mad.
One month later, Mr. Thompson decides to go back to the doctor and try once again to expose him as a fake, by complaining of a new more...

A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody. Everyone was amazed with what he could do - everyone except for Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic.Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit this' miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. When it was time for his appointment he told the doctor, "Hey, doc, I've lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?"The doctor scratched his head and mumbled to himself a little, then told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47."So the doctor brought the jar out, opened it, and told Mr. Thompson to taste it. He tasted it and immediately spit it out, "This is gross!" he yelled. "Looks like I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Thompson," said the doctor. So Mr. Thompson went home.... very mad.One month later, Mr. Thompson decides to go back to the doctor and try once again to expose him as a fake, by complaining of a new problem. more...

Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop Sign
September 9, 2002 - Atlanta, USA
In a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his 'complete and full stop'. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convinced that Mr. Thompson is directly responsible for the accident and should be held accountable for all incurred costs of repair to both vehicles. When reminded that it is the law to make a complete stop at a stop sign, her abrupt response was "I am quite capable of deciding when it is a more...

Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop Sign
September 9, 2002 - Atlanta, USA
In a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his 'complete and full stop'. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convinced that Mr. Thompson is directly responsible for the accident and should be held accountable for all incurred costs of repair to both vehicles. When reminded that it is the law to make a complete stop at a stop sign, her abrupt response was "I am quite capable of deciding when it is a more...

A group of friends who prided themselves on their IQ (maybe MENSA members) set out to have a contest of wits. Each person in turn
asked a question and anyone who volunteered an answer that was wrong dropped out. If no one could answer, the questioner himself had to answer and if he was wrong, he dropped out. Each dropout had to put $5 into the pot.Eventually the contenders left were Thompson and Brown, matching erudition for erudition for a good half hour.Finally Thompson said, "How does a gopher dig a hole without leaving a mound of sand at the lip?"Brown thought about that and said, "I can't answer that. However, since it's your question, you had better answer it."Thompson said coolly, as he reached for the accumulated pile of bills, "Easy. The gopher starts at the bottom of the hole and that's where he leaves the sand.""Hold on," said Brown heatedly, grasping Thompson's wrist to prevent him from taking the pot. "How does the gopher more...

Watertown, New York:
It was eagle-eyed zookeepers who noticed first. The DNA testing only
proved what they already suspected.
The Thompson Park Zoo's American bald eagle breeding program was going
nowhere. Not with two males, anyway.
"We had our suspicions right away. The birds are virtually the identical
size," said Director Glenn D. Dobrogosz, who laughed Tuesday about the
gender mix-up that provided a comical start to the zoo's new eagle
breeding program.
"It happens. Not a lot. But it happens," he said.
The two American bald eagles - supposedly a male and female - arrived at
the zoo last July from the Bird Treatment and Learning Center in
Anchorage, Alaska.
The two males became good buddies but zookeepers quickly realized there
would be no amorous flights for these two, Dobrogosz said.
Because bald eagle males and females share the same coloring
characteristics, it is difficult to determine gender more...