Theirs Jokes

Theists think all gods but theirs are false. Atheists simply don't make an exception for the last one.

They've finally gone and done it! The parents have arranged one of those "meetings" where the "Any Other Business" is "Would you like pink balloons or red ones at the wedding reception?"

Yes! You're being introduced to a potential marriage partner. But to your horror Prince/Princess Charming(less) has a personality about as interesting as your big toe, wears clothes straight from the Patiala fashion show for Punjabi Farmers, has a face like a Pizza (with extra olives) and worst of all is an Accountant!




So how do you tell them that you're not interested? Well, there are obvious ways to say "Take a hike, Jack (or Jaswinder)!" but that could lead to teary eyes all round! So for your well-being The Funjabis have put together "Ten Ways To Say Get Lost - With A Smile." It may help you to adjourn the meeting more gracefully so you can live to have another one the following weekend!
Wipe your nose more...

The background: Someone (No names, children!) walked in on his roommate and caught him masturbating. Consequently, he broke the "sinner"-s arm.
The question: Whoever said that masturbation is sinful, anyway?
The answer: "Every Sperm Is Sacred", Lyrics by Michael Palin and Terry Jones.
There are Jews in the world, there are Buddists,
There are Hindus and Mormons and then
There are those that follow Mohammad, but
I've never been one of them.
I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.
You don't have to be a six footer,
You don't have to have a great brain,
You don't have to have any clothes on,
You're a Catholic the moment Dad came, because
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.
Every sperm is sacred,
Every sperm is great,
If a sperm more...

Lawyers hang their blunders, doctors bury theirs, architects plant vines and teachers send theirs into politics.

#1. A mandatory evacuation means just that - get the hell out. Don't blame the Government after they tell you to go. If they hadn't said anything, I can see the argument. They said get out; if you didn't, it's your fault, not theirs. (We don't want to hear it, even if you don't have a car, you can get out.)
#2. If there is an emergency, stock up on water and non-perishables. If you didn't do this, it's not the governments fault you're starving.
#2a. If you run out of food and water, find a store that has some. (Remember, shoes, TV's, DVD's and CD's are not edible. Leave them alone.)
#2b. If the local store is too looted of food or water, leave your neighbor's tv and stereo alone. (See # 2a) They worked hard to get their stuff. Just because they were smart enough to leave during a mandatory evacuation, doesn't give you the right to take their stuff; it's theirs, not yours.
#3. If someone comes in to help you, don't shoot at them and then complain no one is helping more...