Tension Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, "I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and..".

He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear".

"Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"

"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes".

Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, more...

> A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After
>trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his
>family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, "I
>get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and..". He
>is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left
>ear".
>
> "Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"
>
> "Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist,
> you know. But I myself suffered from that same type
> of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension
> in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every
> day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she
> would squeeze her legs together with all her strength
> and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head.
> Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let
> me more...

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

Husband asks, "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means,
"With Idiot For Ever! !!"

Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic is more...

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "take two aspirin" and "keep away from children"!!!!!

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and panic is when both are pregnant.