Teaching Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Memo to all students:
    In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity
    From students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING(S.H.I.T.).
    We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than any other school. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilledat seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
    Students who don't know S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.).
    Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.).
    Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T. already.
    If you are full of S.H.I.T., you more...

    This is an extract of an National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Army Lieutenant General Reinwald about sponsoring a Boy Scout Troop on his military installation.
    Interviewer: "So, LTG Reinwald, what are you going to do with these young boys on their adventure holiday?"
    LTG Reinwald: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
    Interviewer: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
    LTG Reinwald: "I don't see why; they'll be properly supervised on the range."
    Interviewer: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
    LTG Reinwald: "I don't see how; we will be teaching them proper range discipline before they even touch a firearm."
    Interviewer: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
    LTG Reinwald: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're more...

    Math 101Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.Why do I tell you this? Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:
    Teaching Math In 1950A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
    Teaching Math In 1960A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
    Teaching Math In 1970A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
    Teaching Math In 1980A logger sells a more...

    At a Texas University, a Professor had been teaching his students humanreproduction. For an exam, one of the questions was: "Female humans are bornwith a limited number of eggs, while males, during their lifetime, producemillions upon millions of sperm. Why are so many sperm produced?" Oneyoung woman's answer: "Because they won't ask for directions either."

    Note: This is an extract of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster, and US Army General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.INTERVIEWER: " So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?"GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."INTERVIEWER: "Shooting! that's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range."INTERVIEWER: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"GENERAL REINWALD: "I don't see how,....we will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm."INTERVIEWER: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."GENERAL REINWALD: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are more...

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