Synagogue Jokes / Recent Jokes

A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pallbearers are carrying the casket out, when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.
They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries, “Watch out for the wall! ”

A synagogue honors its Rabbi for a quarter-century of service by sending him to Hawaii on a well-deserved vacation, all expenses paid.

The President of the synagogue decides that in addition to the trip, the Rabbi should have fun and he makes arrangements to have a call-girl available for the Rabbi at all times.

When the Rabbi walks into his hotel room, there is this nude young girl lying on the bed and she informs the Rabbi that she is his at any time during his vacation.

The Rabbi, stunned and extremely embarrassed, demands to know who arranged this little situation, and of course, the girl is compelled to tell him.

The Rabbi immediately picks up the phone, calls the synagogue, and gets through to the President of the congregation.

' Where is your respect'? he growls.' How could you do something like this?'

' I must be held in high esteem by each and every member of this congregation. As your Rabbi, I am very, very more...

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it" the priest replied. The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue. He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.

Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial straits. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He goes to the synagogue and begins to pray. "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money soon, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Jacob goes back to the synagogue. "God, please let me win the lotto. I've lost my business, my house and now I'm even going to lose my car as well!"
Lotto night comes and Jacob still has no luck. Back to the synagogue, "My God, why have you forsaken me so? I've lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won't you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order?"
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens more...

An Internal Revenue inspector walks into a synagogue and asks to see the rabbi. He is shown to the rabbi's office and is offered a seat.

"Rabbi, I believe a member of your synagogue, Mr Klutz, states on his tax return that he has donated $100, 000 to the synagogue. Tell me, Rabbi, is this correct?"

The Rabbi answers, "Yes, he will."

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. So they did. They drove it home and parked it in the street between their establishments. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he ran out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it" the priest replied.The rabbi replied "Oh," then he ran back into the synagogue. He reappeared a few minutes later with a hack saw, ran to the car and cut off the last 2 inches of the tailpipe.

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.
After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them.
A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied.
The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.