Swamp Jokes / Recent Jokes
Imagine a farm. On the farm there live a chick and a horse. One day the horse gets stuck in a swamp at the bottom of a field so it says:
"Help Chick pull me out!"
The chick obliges and gets it's Harley Davidson to help pull horse out and all is well.
Two weeks later chick gets stuck in the same swamp and shouts for horse to help.
Horse comes to the rescue and straddles the swamp saying "Grab on!". Sure enough he pulls chick safely out of the swamp.
And the moral of the story is:
If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a bike to pull chicks!
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don`t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We`re the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don`t get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. How do you catch them?" "Well, I crawl under a car and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite`em, shake the s*** out of `em, and eat`em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin` the s*** out of a lawyer, there`s nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."
An army grunt stands in the rain after marching 12 miles with a 35-pound pack on his back and says, "God, this is shit." An army airborn recruit stands in the rain after jumping from an airplane and marching 18 miles with a 45-pound pack on his back and says with a smile, "God, this is shit." An army Airborn Ranger lies in the mud after jumping from a plane into a swamp and marching 25 miles with a 55-pound pack on his back and says with a grin, "God, I love this shit!" A green beret kneels in the stinking mud of a swamp with a 65-pound pack on his back after jumping from an airplane into the ocean, swimming ten miles to the swamp and crawling 30 miles through the brush to assault the enemy camp and says with a passionate snarl, "God, give me more of this shit!" An Air force recruit sits in an easy chair in his air-conditioned, carpeted quarters and says, "The cable's out? What kind of shit is this?"
Young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Florida. She wanted to > > take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way.... but was > > very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking for > > the highly prized shoes. > > > > After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of > > one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just > > go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a > > decent price!" > > > > The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, ya'll just > go and give it a try, why don'cha!" > > The blonde turned on her heel and headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch herself an alligator. Later in the day, as the shop- keeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky swamp water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator more...
A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate. A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully. The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs' togetherness, which included one part sodium. It seems the little green frogs needed some monosodium glue to mate.
Two crocodiles were sitting at the side of the swamp by the Diyawanna Oya. The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, "I can't understand how you kin be so much bigger' n me. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don't get it."
"Well," said the big croc, "What you been eatin' boy?"
"Humans, same as you," replied the small croc. "Hmm. Well, where do y'all catch' em?"
"Down' tother side of the swamp near the parkin' lot by the parliament."
"Same here. Hmm. How do you catch' em?" "Well, I crawls up under one of them BMWs or Mercs and wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab' em on the leg, shake the shit out of' em, and eat em!"
"Ah!" says the big crocodile, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. See, by the time you get done shakin' the shit out of a Politician, more...