Supply Jokes / Recent Jokes

Australian Police have been totally unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam:

A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check.

After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers money in the form of a company check. However, due to the name of the company, few people ever bother to present these to their banks. The name?

The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company

OPERATION ORDER 12-98
FOR: OFFICIAL VISIT OF LT jg SANTA CLAUS
1. An official staff visit by LT jg Claus is expected at this post on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all Army personnel during the visit.
a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Battalion S-1. Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and Policy Office.
b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be; Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OG, and Cap, BDU woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, more...

Is there only one part of the body that has no blood supply? I think it depends on the person, for example:
For a Republican, its the brain
For some Democrats, its everywhere except 'way down there'
For an IRS agent, well, they kinda suck all your blood anyway and they have no heart...
Post Office - If you look at how fast they move, the entire body.
John Bobbit - Well, you know the answer to this one

A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself. She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar. Thinking this is a misprint; she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. The clerk replies, "Yes it is the correct price. For one week only, you can purchase five boxes of tampons for one dollar, no strings attached."

In case you missed it. Here is the Washington Post' s Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.


The winners are:




1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: more...

BANDERSNATCH CHRISTMAS SHOPPING LIST

This year The Frumious Bandersnatch highlights some of the more
arcane or utterly worthless things you can give as a Christmas
gift.

PHOTO PANTIES
Have your picture silk screened onto your girlfriend's panties
for only $19. 95. You can imagine all the creative purposes this
can be put to.

YOU DON'T KNOW JACK II
The new edition of this game is designed for know-it-alls and
includes questions about subjects such as the difference between
Visigoths and Ostergoths that are sure to stump them.

FREE BAJA ARIZONA BUMPER STICKERS
We still have a supply of our non-waterproof bumper stickers that
melt away at the first drop of rain. Good for use only in
extremely arid regions.

WAX BULLETS
Perfect for shooting insects inside your house, our wax bullets
come in 22 and 38 caliber sizes.

LIVE TUMBLEWEEDS
Decorate your house in more...

Abie and Moishe ran a Judaica shop on Delancy Street on the Lower East Side of NY for 33 years. Their once thriving business was doing poorly because almost all the Jews moved away and the neighborhood was now Hispanic.
Abie came up with a novel idea. Why not sell Catholic goods so they could stay in business?
Moishe agreed. So, Abie called up a Catholic good supply house on Park Avenue and placed his order. He said:
"Catholic Supply House. I'd like 100 rosary beads, 50 autographed pictures, and 75 crucifixes".
The supply house representative confirmed the order and then said:
"Do you vant the crucifixes mit Jesus or mitout Jesus? By the way, we don't deliver on Saturdays. We're closed for Shabbos.