Sucking Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him.
When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE."
The policeman arrested her on the spot.
The cops raided the local brothel and had all the girls standing in line waiting to enter the paddy wagon.
A little old lady walked up and asked one of the girls what the line was for. She indicated they were giving out lollipops. The little old lady liked lollipops so she got in line too.
When she got up to the paddy wagon door, a cop said, "Hey grandma, aren't you a little old to be doing this?"
She replied, "As long as they keep making them, I'll keep sucking them."
The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. more...

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five
birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you are thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her
cone, the second was biting the cone and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?"

"Hmmm...," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

"No", said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."

Miss Jones asked young Tommy, "If three birds were sitting on a fence, and the farmer shot one of them, how many would be left?"
"Well," said Tommy, "none would be left because the sound of the gun would scare the others away."
"That's not quite the answer I was looking for, since we're doing subtraction today, but I like the way you're thinking," the teacher said.
The next day, Tommy told Miss Jones that he had a question for her. "If three women were walking down the road, one licking an ice cream cone, one sucking an ice cream cone and one biting an ice cream cone, which of the three would be the married woman?"
"I think it would be the one sucking the ice cream cone," Miss Jones replied.
"Sorry, Miss Jones," Tommy said. "It would be the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didnt stop sucking his thumb, hed get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what youve been doing!"

One day during class the teacher went around the class asking
her 5 year old kids questions. Finally, the teacher came up to
Little Johnny and said "if there are three birds on a park bench
and if I was to shoot one, how many birds would be left?".
Little Johnny thought about it for some time and said "none!". The
teacher asked him how he worked it out. Little Johnny said, "Well
if you shoot one the other birds will fly away!". The teacher said
that was not correct but she liked the way he thought!
When the teacher was about to leave, Little Johnny put up his hand
and said he had a question for her. "Fire away", said the teacher.
"Miss, if there are three women on a park bench all eating
ice-cream, one chewing it, one biting it and the other sucking it,
which of those women are married!".
The teacher uncomfortable with the question replied,"I'll have to
go with more...

Little Tommy was a smart little boy.
Little Tommy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Tommy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None.", replied Tommy. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Tommy then said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Tommy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."

There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat. Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, "Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!"