Stretch Jokes / Recent Jokes

your mmoma is so fat that you can see her stretch marks in her shadow

Some of you may not find these at all funny but their is defintely a demographic that loves them. We decided to just collect as many as possible and throw them all onto one page. Enjoy! Yo mamma's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon. Yo mamma's so fat her clothes have stretch marks. Yo mamma's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones. Yo mamma's so fat, she has two stomaches...one for meats and one for vegetables. Yo mamma's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks. Yo mamma's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. Yo mamma's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs. Yo mamma's so fat, her belt size is equator. Yo mamma's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it. Yo mamma's so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets. Yo mamma's so fat, every time she puts an apple in her mouth people try to roast her. Yo mamma's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party. Yo mamma's more...

Pulling up to the toll both Jack handed the collector a $100.00 bill.
Looking incredulously at the bill, the collector, in a snappy tone, exclaimed "I can't break this! I need exact change."
"Come on buddy." Jack pleaded, "Can't you give me a break, just this once?"
"Nope. Sorry. Exact change!" Answered the collector.
"While thumbing through the change in his ashtray Jack asked the collector, "Do you really like this job?"
"Well it's not the best job that I've ever had, but it pays the bills," replied the collector. "what do you do for a living?" he asked.
Still counting change and without looking up Jack said, "I'm a rectum stretcher."
"A what?" asked the collector.
"A rectum stretcher." Jack replied, giving the collector a slideways glance.
"What does a rectum stretcher do?" The collector asked.
"Well just as the name more...

A man named Mr. Smith was flying from San Francisco to LA. Unexpectedly the plane stopped in Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in 30 minutes. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Mr. Smith had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the blind man had flown before because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. Mr. Smith could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said Keith, were in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?" Keith replied, "No thanks, but maybe the dog would like to stretch his legs". Now, picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with the more...

Pulling up to the toll both Jack handed the collector a $100.00 bill.Looking incredulously at the bill, the collector, in a snappy tone, exclaimed "I can't break this! I need exact change.""Come on buddy." Jack pleaded, "Can't you give me a break, just this once?""Nope. Sorry. Exact change!" Answered the collector."While thumbing through the change in his ashtray Jack asked the collector, "Do you really like this job?""Well it's not the best job that I've ever had, but it pays the bills," replied the collector. "what do you do for a living?" he asked.Still counting change and without looking up Jack said, "I'm a rectum stretcher.""A what?" asked the collector."A rectum stretcher." Jack replied, giving the collector a slideways glance."What does a rectum stretcher do?" The collector asked."Well just as the name implies, I stretch rectums." Jack explained setting more...