Step Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day there are three drunk teenagers (girls). In the middle of the night they are driving home. The driver swirves and goes off a cliff and all three die.
In heaven there is only one rule don't step on a duck (there are ducks every where). So a few hours later the first woman steps on a duck and gets chained to the ugliest man ever.
So a couple daps later the second woman steps on a duck and gets chained two the second ugliest man in heaven.
So years go by and the third woman is shopping and all of the sudden a handsome man gets chained to her. She then says "
what i didn't step on a duck."
And the man says "
but i did."
12 Step Program of Recovery for Web Addicts:
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.
7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my more...
What is the definition of a half step? Two oboes playing in unison. What is the definition of a major second? Two baroque oboes playing in unison.
12 Step Program of Recovery for Web Addicts:1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web.2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.3) I will get dressed before noon.4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.12) Last, but more...
Q: How many Union Electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Seventeen - One to give the bulb to the screw-inner. One to screw in the bulb. One to hold him on the step ladder. Four to hold the step ladder steady. One to flick the switch to test the bulb. One to make sure that the other bulbs in the room will need fixing. One to supervise. Two to take a coffee break, one to eat lunch, and one to nap. One to plot the best way of breaking into the apartment at night. One to drink gin n tonics with the yuppies.
A physician visited a California mental institution and asked a patient "How did you get here? What is the nature of your illness?"
He got this reply.
"It started when I got married and I guess I should never have done it. I got hitched to a widow with a grown daughter who then became my stepdaughter.
My Daddy came to visit us, fell in love with my lovely stepdaughter, then married her. And so my stepdaughter was now my stepmother.
Soon my wife had a son who was, of course, my daddy's brother-in-law since he is the half-brother of my stepdaughter, who is now, of course, my daddy's wife. So as I told you, when stepdaughter married my daddy, she was at once, my stepmother. Now since my new son is brother to my stepmother, he also became my uncle.
As you know, my wife is my step grand-mother since she is my stepmother's mother. (Don't forget that my stepmother is my stepdaughter.) Remember, too, that I am my wife's grandson.
But hold on just a more...
Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed. That somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well contrary to this popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that resembles Tide (with or without bleach).
Cats, like their nemesis, the dog, do get dirty and have a variety of odors, from smelling like the outhouse where you camped last year to the same odor as your dog's breath. (Remember, your dog will try to eat anything.) Now we all know that cats HATE water. And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a bath is out of the question.
So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.
Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total lack of concern for you, you have the advantage of size, strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.
1. First, dress for the occasion. A more...