Stanley Jokes

STANLEY HO: Mr. President, please accept this Mercedes Benz as sign of my appreciation to you. ERAP: Sorry, I don't accept bribes. STANLEY HO: I'll just sell it to you for P100. ERAP: Okay, I'll get two!

Stanley was in his usual place in the morning, sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player, who was known primarily for his lack of I. Q. and common knowledge.
He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives."
Stanley's wife replied, "Why thank you, dear!"

Andrew came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Justin, noticed his condition and asked Andy what happened.
Andy replied, “Oh, nothing, really. It’s just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while. ”
Justin remarked, “Gee, I never even knew that you played hockey. ”
“No, Justin, I don’t, ” replied Andy. “I hurt my leg last year when I lost $500 on the Stanley Cup play-offs - I put my foot through the television set. ”

Stanley and Martha, 94 and 86 respectively, are excited about their decision to get maried and decide to go for a stroll to discuss their wedding plans. On the way, they pass a drugstore and Stanley suggests they go in.
"Are you the owner?" Stanley asks the man behind the counter.
"Yes, I am," the pharmacist replies.
"Do you sell heart medication?" asks Stanley.
"Yes, sir, we sure do," the pharmacist says.
"How about medicine for circulation?" inquires Stanley.
"Many different kinds," replies the pharmacist.
"What about medicine for rheumatism?" Stanley asks.
"Absolutely," answers the pharmacist.
"How about Viagra?" asks Stanley.
"Most definitely," the pharmacist answers.
"Medicine for memory?" Stanley inquires.
"Yes, sir, we have a large variety," replies the pharmacist.
"What about vitamins and sleeping more...

After WWII, two Poles returned to their destroyed village to locate the first one's wife. Going through the rubble, Victor came across a dismembered arm and called over, "Hey, Stanley, wasn't this Anya's arm? I think this is the wristwatch you gave her." "I dunno, Victor," said Stanley, and they continued the search. A little while later, Victor came across a severed leg." Stanley, couldn't this be part of Anya? She had great legs." Stanley shrugged and they walked on. Finally the energetic Victor came across a woman's head, which he held out at arm's length for his friend's inspection." Nope," said Stanley at last. "Anya was a lot taller."