Stan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in the room holding their newborn baby.
"Stop! You can't do this!" exclaimed the brother.
"And why not?" asked Stan.
"Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday like my wife and I have here?"
Stan said nothing.
The brother grew impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew.
Stan, make me an uncle."
Stan couldn't take it anymore. He gave his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asked his brother, "You're SURE you want a nephew?"
"Yes," the brother replied. "It would be an honor!"
"Well congratulations, you're holding him!"

Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in the room holding their newborn baby.
"Stop! You can't do this!" exclaimed the brother.
"And why not?" asked Stan. "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday like my wife and I have here?"
Stan said nothing.
The brother grew impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle."
Stan couldn't take it anymore. He gave his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asked his brother, "You're SURE you want a nephew?"
"Yes," the brother replied. "It would be an honor!"
"Well congratulations, you're holding him!"

Stan was seconds away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law barged in the room holding their newborn baby."Stop! You can't do this!" exclaimed the brother."And why not?" asked Stan. "Don't you want to have a beautiful baby someday like my wife and I have here?"Stan said nothing.The brother grew impatient, "C'mon Stan, I want a nephew. Stan, make me an uncle."Stan couldn't take it anymore. He gave his sister-in-law an apologetic look and asked his brother, "You're SURE you want a nephew?""Yes," the brother replied. "It would be an honor!""Well congratulations, you're holding him!"

Stan, Barry and Chris were working on a high-rise building project, when Stan fell off and was killed instantly.
As the ambulance was taking the body away, Chris said, "I guess someone should go and tell his wife."
"I'm pretty good with that sensitive stuff, so I'll do it," replied Barry.
A couple of hours later, Barry returned carrying a six-pack. "Where did you get that?" asked Chris.
"Stan's wife gave it to me," replied Barry.
"What? That's incredible!" exclaimed Chris. "You go and tell the lady that her husband is dead and she gives you a six-pack?"
"Well, not exactly," Barry said. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Stan's widow.' She replied, 'I'm not a widow.'
So I said, 'Care to bet me a six-pack?'"

Incident at the old swimming pool
by jiM Mica
I'm sure I've mentioned that I swim at the pool at work whenever I can. The pool seems to be the exercise venue for the halt and the lame. Professor Richs started going there years ago when he hurt himself running. I go there with my obesity and diabetes. And, Dr. Stan has been swimming since he lost the front end of a foot in a car accident a while back. Before the accident he was an ardent runner.
Besides us old coots, the pool also serves as an exercise spot for many physically and/or emotionally challenged kids. They get brought to the pool by their parents and then get to swim under the watchful eye of our physical therapy students -and their instructors of course.
The strangest thing happened a few weeks back when Dr. Stan and I were leaving the pool for the showers and a bunch of the young kids were being readied for their turn in the water. As we walked by the kids, exchanging pleasantries as usual, one of the more...

All of his life Stosh had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink.
So when Stosh's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Stan took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Stosh stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Stan just managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Stosh went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"
Granny looked into Stosh's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb ass, your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, but you were born in July."

One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was going home early because she didn't feel well. Since Stan was just getting over something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't something he had given her.
A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has morning sickness."