Sri Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chandrika arrives at Cabinet meeting on time.
Anura Bandaranaike wins the Presidential election.
The number of cabinet ministers reduced and their privileges slashed.
Executive Presidency abolished by the new constitutional changes.
Ranil, the proud father, smiles at his wife and baby.
Wedding bells ring for Mangala Samaraweera.
Mahela Jayawardena scores a half century.
Gas prices go down by Rs. 50.
Wimal Weerawansa commends World Bank for offering loans to build Sri Lankan economy.
Royal old boys decide to take the cabaret item out from stag night after the criticism they faced.

Chandrika: I considered you as a freedom fighter, the moment I read,
“HARD HARD ONE IS THE BIG BIG GOOD ONE(to be
circulated)” Written by you to the infolanka joke page.

Chandrika: Please show me how to bring a political change in Sri Lanka.
ULTRA MICROS: Your Excellency, its this New Constitution.
Chandrika: Will People Support Me.
ULTRA MICROS: Its Foolishness if they don’t do so.
ULTRA MICROS: Your Excellency, good luck to you.

ULTRA MICRO CONSTITUTION OF THE DEMOCRATIC SOCIALIST REPUBLIC OF SRI LANKA.
Section 1
Democratic Socialist Republic of Sri Lanka is an unitary
State Which Is Comprised of 24 Key Administrative District
Councils and There Sub Councils.
Section 2
All Laws relating to Citizenship, Matrimony, Inheritance and
Succession shall be governed by The General Law.
Section 3
English, Sinhala and Tamil shall be Official Languages.
Section 4
There shall be The more...

A newly recruited police constable was night patroling on the " Compagna Veediya " (slave Island), suddenly he noticed a van is coming towards Colombo City in extra speed so stopped the van. But the p. c. realized it is so hard to write a complaint because he didn't know how to write " compgna veediya " in sinhala so he let him freed.
Next night he saw the same van was coming to the city high speed, P. C. got into his bike and chased the van to the nearest " malay " street and stopped. He rushed to the driver and asked " what's your name? " --"-punchi singho " was the reply.
" for the first time I will give you a chance. Don't drive that fast" said to the driver and released him.
In the following day the same thing happened and he was able to stop him in the malay street and rushed to the driver but didn't asked his name.
" Oh,,,, you again.. what's inside? "
" Mannokka" ( manioc more...

As we all can rememer the black days in sri lanka. This happened end of 1980's. when there were jvp troubles in sri lanla. once a police man was travelling in his jeep. and was looking for any suspected people, those days its regular to see police jeeps on the road, so as he drove by, one man suddenly appear into the road, and as soon as he saw the jeep. he ran in to the jungle.
The policeman saw this, he stop the jeep and was looking for this suspected man, those days it regular to see police jeeps on the road,. and he saw one of the bush were shaking, he pointed the gun to the bush and shouted"surrender" (yatathwenna)and this poor man came out and said "ow sir renda thama giye".

Once a American(Bob) came to Dehiwalla Zoo. A Srilankan(Pala) who was guiding with him and he hardly translate English.
First Bob saw bunch of Snakes on a pond and he was asking Pala what do you call that. Pala replies that is "Waterbariyas Compound".
Second Bob saw some kind of leafs and he was asking Pala what is this. And Pala replies that is "Halapa Otheniyas".
Finally Bob saw some bugs and he was asking the same question again and Pala replies that is "Lake Puit", the correct answer was "Calamadhiriya" or "Puke Light".

>Here's a collection of answers given when different people were asked
>this simple question:

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Political figures:

>Chandrika Kumaranatunga:
>*. It was a result of the 17 year rule of the UNP. I will appoint a
> commission to look into that matter.
>Ranil Wickramasinghe:
>*. The UNP as a national party will oppose any such move by any
> chicken to cross roads. We will hold a Satyagraha, and file a
> violation of fundamental rights case in the supreme court!!
>G. L. Peris:
>*. The chicken didn't actually cross the road. I can prove this to
> you by using the statistics released by the Central Bank. There have
> been such instances in other developing countries as well.... This
> shows very good economic growth.
>C. V. Goonaratne:
>*. The chicken crossed the road to end the 17 year old curse of
> bribery, corruption, and terror... Upon reaching more...

Sri Lanka now hires very suitable candidates for the post of Members of 2004 parliment. Hurry up and submit your application soon.
Qualifications:
Education: Not required
Age: 18 to 85 years
Skills: A foul mouth and longe tongue, Ability to use illegel firearms, close contacts with underworld gangs, experiene in making small size explosives, ability to stuff ballot boxes with hora votes. Preference will given to those who have a good track record of scams, fruads and money swindlings. Knowledge of damaging the environment with polythene a must.
The following benefits will be offered:
Salary Rs. 22100/= per month
Other allowances legal; Entertainment Rs1000/= pm
Fuel Rs. 7500/=pm Cell phone Rs. 2000/=pm Attending parliment: Rs. 4000/=pm Driver: s. Rs3500/=pm and postage Rs7500pm
Other extra benefits:
Telephone with international connection
Free photocopier, computer and typewriter at duty free rates, permit to import luxury car, more...