Spend Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three friends died and went to heaven. The first friend, Sarah, was the first one to go into the pearly gates and meet "God".
"Hello Sarah, it is so nice to see you here" God said to her. "Please make yourself at home and do whatever you want. Slide down the rainbows, sleep on the clouds, just have fun. BUT DON'T Step on the ducks" God said. "We love and cherish ducks here".
So, Sarah goes on her merry way and enjoys herself. Until OPPS! She steps on a duck. Suddenly the ugliest, most hideous man pops up and Sarah realized she must spend the rest of her life with him.
Next, Olivia goes into the pearly gates and God tells her the same thing. "Do whatever you want, just DON'T step on the ducks". So, Olivia goes on her way and OPPS! She steps on a duck. And she, too has to spend the rest of her life with a ugly, hideous man.
The last friend, Jenn, goes to meet and God and he tells her the same thing. "DON'T STEP on more...
Three friends died and went to heaven. The first friend, Sarah, was the first one to go into the pearly gates and meet "God"."Hello Sarah, it is so nice to see you here" God said to her. "Please make yourself at home and do whatever you want. Slide down the rainbows, sleep on the clouds, just have fun. BUT DON'T Step on the ducks" God said. "We love and cherish ducks here".So, Sarah goes on her merry way and enjoys herself. Until OPPS! She steps on a duck. Suddenly the ugliest, most hideous man pops up and Sarah realized she must spend the rest of her life with him.Next, Olivia goes into the pearly gates and God tells her the same thing. "Do whatever you want, just DON'T step on the ducks". So, Olivia goes on her way and OPPS! She steps on a duck. And she, too has to spend the rest of her life with a ugly, hideous man.The last friend, Jenn, goes to meet and God and he tells her the same thing. "DON'T STEP on the more...
I got this joke from a roommate of mine, Keith Brown.
He acquired it when he went back to his hometown to
substitute teach at his high school. Sitting in the
teacher's lounge, they were telling jokes and the
principal told this one...
One day, an elderly woman went in to the main Citibank office
in downtown New York City and asked the window teller if she
could speak to the president of the bank. Upon being questioned
as to why she needed to see him, the elderly woman said that
she wished to deposit seven million dollars.
The teller then rushed back to the president and said that
there was a woman who wished to deposit seven million dollars
and that she wished to see the president. Naturally, the
president excitedly said, "Well, send her right in!"
After the elderly woman and the president had talked for some
time about security and insurance and whatnot, she started to
fill out some papers. By this time the more...
A guy dies and goes to hell.
The devil meets him at the gate and says, "All right, you have died and come to hell. You will spend eternity here, but you get to choose how to spend it. You may choose one of these three doorways. Once you choose a door, you may not change it. So let's get started."
The devil opens Door One. The guy looks in and sees a couple of people standing on their heads on a Concrete floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."
The devil opens Door Two. The guy sees a few more people standing on their heads on a Wood floor. The guy says, "No way, let's move on."
The devil opens Door Three. The guy sees a bunch of people standing knee-deep in cow manure drinking coffee. The guy says, "Great, this is the one I will chose." The devil says, "OK, wait right here, I will get you some coffee." The guy settles in with his coffee thinking that this isn't so bad. What's the big more...
When you think about the differences between work and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad...IN PRISON... You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK... You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.IN PRISON... You get three meals a day.
AT WORK... You get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.IN PRISON... You get time off for good behaviour.
AT WORK... You get rewarded for good behaviour with more work.IN PRISON... A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK... You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.IN PRISON... You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.IN PRISON... You get your own toilet.
AT WORK... You have to share.IN PRISON... They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK... You cannot even speak to your family and friends.IN PRISON... All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK... You get to more...
Why do beavers spend a fortune on the Internet? They never want to log off.
Clovis` Consideration of an Atmospheric Anomaly: The perversity of nature is nowhere better demonstrated than by the fact that, when exposed to the same atmosphere, bread becomes hard while crackers become soft.
Cohn`s Law: The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.
Colvard`s Logical Premises: All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won`t.
Colvard`s Unconscionable Commentary: This is especially true when dealing with someone you`re attracted to.
Conway`s Law: In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what`s going on; this person must be fired. Corollaries: 1. Nobody whom you ask for help will see it. 2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don`t want to hear, will see it immediately.
Cooke`s Law: In any decision situation, the more...