Specialist Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, "I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and..".

He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear".

"Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"

"Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist, you know. But I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes".

Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, more...

A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.
"I need to take that walkman off your head," says the beauty specialist as she notices the blonde.
"You can't! I'll die!" retorts the blonde.
"I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!" says the beauty specialist getting annoyed.
"I said you can't take it off, or I'll die!"
The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating "breath in, breath out, breath in".

How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb? * That depends on whether it has health insurance. * None. They just tell it to take two aspirin and come round to the surgery later. * None. They only sign the death certificate and phone the mortuary. * None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzo diazapines. * Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in. * Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare. How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb? * None. They would wait for a suitable donor and do a filament transplant. * Three. They'd also like to remove the socket as you aren't using it now. How many veterinarians does it take to change a light bulb? * Three. One to change the bulb and two more to complain that an MD makes ten times as much for the same procedure!! How many physiotherapists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just give the dead more...

> A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After
>trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache specialist by his
>family doctor. The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies, "I
>get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my scalp and..". He
>is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy throbbing right behind the left
>ear".
>
> "Yes! Exactly! How did you know?"
>
> "Well I am the world's greatest headache specialist,
> you know. But I myself suffered from that same type
> of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension
> in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every
> day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she
> would squeeze her legs together with all her strength
> and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head.
> Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let
> me more...

One day, a little frog was sitting in his pond looking around at home. He decided that it just wasn't as nice as he knew it could be and he decided to remodel to raise the value of his property and to live more comfortably. He called the local forest contractor and got an estimate for $5000. The little frog only had $2500 saved up so he decided to go to a bank to apply for a loan for the rest of the money. When he got to the bank, he hopped over to one of the tellers and said, "good morning, I would like to apply for a loan" the teller looked at the little frog and said, "you have to go speak to our loan specialist, Ms. Patty Mac, third office on your left". So the little frog hopped into Ms. Mac's office and jumped on to the desk and said, "good morning, I would like to apply for a loan". Patty looked at the little frog and said, "What will you be putting up as collateral?" The little frog was confused, not knowing what collateral was so Ms. more...