Sore Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why did the blond have a sore belly button?
Her boyfriend was also blonde.

A drunk walks into a bar and notices a banner that says "win $10,000; ask bartender for details".
He asks and the bartender says "well, you see that man at the end of the bar?". the drunk looks over and sees a huge, burley dude. the bartender says "if you can knock him out with one punch, you go to the second step...
The door right behind that big guy opens into a room containing an aligator with a sore tooth. if you can pull his tooth and come out alive, you move on to step three...
Those stairs next to the door go up to an eighty year old hooker's apartment. she has never been satisfied by any man. if you can satisfy her, you win the money!"
The drunk says ok and orders a double shot of whiskey. he belts that down, walks to the end of the bar and POW!, knocks the big dude out. he orders another double, belts it down, walks to the door, steps inside and closes the door. BAM, CRASH, GROWL is all the bartender and patrons can hear for a few more...

A stranger walks into the local bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar:
FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
The Bartender replies “Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s an alligator out back with a sore tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there’s a woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her. ”
The guy says, “Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You have to be out of your mind to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and the rest is even crazier.
After sinking a few pints, the stranger stands up and summons the bartender.
“Wherez zat teeqeelah? ”
He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp with tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back more...

Jed: Why do you always play golf with Ed. He's a sore loser.

Fred: Because I'd rather play with a sore loser than a good winner.

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over
the bar: FREE BEER FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

Bartender: "Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper
tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face while doing
it. SECOND, there's a' gator out back with a sore tooth... you have to
remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there's a woman upstairs who's
never been satisfied. You gotta make things right for her.

Man: Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to
be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila!!

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat
teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands, and downs
it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next he staggers
out back. Soon all the people inside hear the more...

Q: Why was the blonde's belly button sore?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. 2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. 3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault. 4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side. 5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face. 6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor. 7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over. 8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him. 9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part. 10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines. 11. Please excuse Joyce from P. E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip. 12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. 13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because more...