Soon Jokes / Recent Jokes

Many many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy.
I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife, She's my grandma too.
If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her more...

My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children:
The Trip to the Hospital
First child: Every time we felt the slightest B & H contraction, we rushed to the hospital. I would carry my wife to the car and lay her down in the back seat surrounded by pillows.
Second child: We timed the contractions. By the time she had three in thirty minutes, we rushed to the hospital. She sat in the front seat, with it leaned back and a pillow behind her head and another at her feet.
Third child: I came home from the office as soon as she started having regular contractions. When they were five minutes apart and hard, we went to the hospital. I gave her a pillow to hold along the way.
Fourth child: When she called me at the office and told me that she was having contractions hard and five minutes apart, I told her to drive to the hospital. I would meet her there more...

Many many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my more...

My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things change as you have more children: Feeling the Baby MoveFirst Child: I placed my hand on my wive's tummy every chance I could for two months waiting for that first time when I could feel the baby move. Hours upon hours I waited until that magic moment when, I felt this little movement. We called all of our relatives to tell them about the blessed experience.Second Child: When it first happened, my wife called me at the office. I quickly ran home and felt the baby move. We included the experience in all of our letter to our family.Third Child: She told me the baby moved. I told her I would check it our during the next commercial break. I missed out because her mother called on the telephone so I went on watching Monday night football. By the end of the third quarter, I finally felt the baby move.Fourth Child: We were in bed and I was trying to sleep. more...

Aug. 12 Moved to Indiana. It is so beautiful here. The rolling green hills are so nice. Can hardly wait to see snow covering them.
Oct. 14 Indiana is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride hrough the beautiful hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animal on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.
Nov. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill Such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will start to snow soon. I love it here.
Dec. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), and when the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Indiana.
Dec. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again to more...

Many many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was as pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown up daughter,
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law,
And changed my very life;
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me pride and joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he is my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown up daughter
Who, of course, was my step mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me very blue.
Because, although she is my more...

Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.This widow had a grown-up daughterWho had hair of red.My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed.This made my dad my son-in-lawAnd changed my very life.My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife.To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy, I soon became the fatherOf a bouncing baby boy.My little baby then becameA brother-in-law to dad.And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad.For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brotherTo the widow's grown-up daughterWho, of course, was my step-mother.Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run.And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son.My wife is now my mother's motherAnd it makes me blue.Because, although she is my wife, She's my grandmother too.If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild.And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild.For now I more...