Soon Jokes / Recent Jokes
Micro was a real-time operator and dedicated multi-user. His broad-band
protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output
devices, even if it meant time-sharing.
One evening he arrived home just as the Sun was crashing, and had parked his
Motorola 68040 in the main drive (he had missed the 5100 bus that morning),
when he noticed an elegant piece of liveware admiring the daisy wheels in
his garden. He thought to himself, "She looks user-friendly. I'll see if
she'd like an update tonight."
Mini was her name, and she was delightfully engineered with eyes like COBOL
and a PR1ME mainframe architecture that set Micro's peripherals networking
all over the place.
He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin, 32-bit
floating point processors and enquired "How are you, Honeywell?". "Yes, I
am well", she responded, batting her optical fibers engagingly and more...
Knock Knock
Who's there!
Sondheim!
Sondheim who?
Sondheim soon we'll meet again! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Sondheim!
Sondheim who?
Sondheim soon!
Passionate kiss, like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Virginity like bubble, one prick all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk thru airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.
War doesn't determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib but one more...
An employee of USAir with the last name of Gay boarded a USAir flight with a free travel voucher. Soon after he sat down, someone else came and claimed he had the same seat assignment, so Mr. Gay moved down do an empty seat. Soon after that the airplane began to fill up. The rule with the USAir employee vouchers is that if a paying customer needs your seat, you have to surrender it. So when the flight became completely full and still more needed to get on, a flight attendant went to the original seat of Mr. Gay and said the man now sitting there, "Excuse me, are you Gay? The man, somewhat stunned, said, "Well, yes, as a matter of fact I am! The flight attendant said, "Im sorry, but youll have to get off the plane. At this point Mr. Gay, who had been watching all of this, jumped up and said, "Excuse me, youve made a mistake--Im Gay! Finally, another m an jumped up and said, "Well, hell, Im gay too! They cant throw us all off!
Start with a cage containing five monkeys. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the monkeys with cold water. After awhile, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result. Pretty soon, when any monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. Again, replace a third original monkey with a more...
...'Well, it wasn't that tragic. Soon after that, I started seeing another man who performed in the circus. He was really a great guy, but he lived pretty dangerously because he performed his high-wire act without a net.Well, a few weeks after we got married, he was performing a show and suddenly a gust of wind came by and knocked him off his wire and he was killed.''Your second husband was killed too?!!? That's horrible!''Yes, it was terrible, but at the funeral I fell in love with the minister and we got married soon after that. Unfortunately, one Sunday while he was walking to church, he was hit by a car and killed.''Three??? Three husbands of yours were killed? How could you live through all that?''It was pretty tough, but then I met my present husband. And he's a wonderful man. I think we'll live a long happy life together.''And what does your present husband do for a living?''He's a mortician.''A mortician? I don't understand something here. First you marry a banker, then a more...
Why computers should be considered masculine:1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
Why computers should be feminine:1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.