Society Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Birch John Society
Dedicated to the preservation of wooden outhouses.
At a high society party, a General with his chest covered with medals said to an elegant lady: "Do you know, Madam, that women spend more money on toiletries than an entire army?" "Yes, and they make more conquests too," she answered.
Vicious Rat killer
This man back east had a garden, and his tomatoes were being chewed on by a rat. So the man bought a trap and caught the rat.
He called the humane society to come and pick up the rat (instead of just killing it) and between the time of his phone call and the humane society arriving at his home, the rat tried to crawl out of it's cage. The man didn't want the rat escaping in his house, especially since his two grandchildren were there, so he took a stick and hit it 4 or 5 times, trying to get it back in the cage, and accidentally killed it.
Now here's the clincher... the humane society arrived, found out he killed the rat and issued him 2 tickets for cruelty to animals!
Can you believe this!? He did go to court and the judge threw out the case... so, valuable court time and our tax money was spent trying to convict a rat murderer!
Only in America....
The defendant and his lawyer are in the courtroom, the man being charged with theft. The lawyer tells the crusty old judge, "My lord, my client has produced receipts for, firstly, the high speed modem."
"High-speed modem?" questions the judge.
"Yes" replies the lawyer, "It allows computers to communicate over vast distances at high rates of speed. It allows email and something called cybersex in AOL chatrooms, your honor."
"Cybersex?" says the judge, "You mean sex through a modem? You mean sex on a monitor? Good lord, the morals of this society! Sex should be a natural event of nature!"
"Secondly, my lord," continues the lawyer, "My client can produce a receipt for the 12-speed cd-rom."
"12-speed cd-rom?" queries the judge.
"Yes my lord, it enables millions of bits of information to be read off a small disk."
"And I suppose most of this *information* is more...
The defendant and his lawyer are in the courtroom, the man being charged with theft. The lawyer tells the crusty old judge, "My lord, my client has produced receipts for, firstly, the high speed modem."
"High-speed modem?" questions the judge.
"Yes," replies the lawyer. "It allows computers to communicate over vast distances at high rates of speed. It allows e-mail and something called cybersex in AOL chatrooms, your honor."
"Cybersex?" asks the judge. "You mean sex through a modem? You mean sex on a monitor? Good lord, the morals of this society! Sex should be a natural event of nature."
"Secondly, my lord," continues the lawyer, "My client can produce a receipt for the 42-speed cd-rom."
"42x-speed CD-Rom?" queries the judge.
"Yes my lord, it enables millions of bits of information to be read off a small disk."
"And I suppose most of this information is more...
Q. Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A. To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
The Society of the Paranormal was having a convention in town and there were many attendees. The president of the society was at the podium delivering the opening address to all who were there in body and in spirit, and he asked the question:
"Who of you have had the occasion to see a ghost?". There was a showing of perhaps forty hands, to which the speaker asked,
"Who of you have had the occasion to speak with a ghost?". Once again the conventioneers raised hands, counting thirty or so.
Then the question, "Who of you have had the occaison to have actually touched a ghost?", to which about ten hands were waved about. The speaker paused for a moment, and then delivered another query,
"Who of you have had the occasion to have sex with a ghost?", and in the far back of the auditorium a lone hand was raised.
"Would the usher please escort that individual with his hand raised to the stage? I simply must inquire more...