Socialism Jokes / Recent Jokes

The breakup of the former USSR and the rapidly changing political scene in East Europe has resulted in a new crop of jokes. Here is one on the' new' political education (and realities) in former Germany.
"What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?"
"A big difference, comrade."
"And what is it?"
"Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under socialism, it was the other way round."

FEUDALISM You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. PURE SOCIALISM You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk. BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need. FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk. PURE COMMUNISM You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation. RUSSIAN COMMUNISM You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you more...

What is Socialism?
The Poles say it's the longest and most painful
of the roads to capitalism.
[quoted by Michael Novak in Forbes]

On Cows and Government
FEUDALISM
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk
PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the more...

Capitalism, Socialism, and Communism have a meeting for tea at noon.
Capitalism and Communism arrive on time, but Socialism is nowhere to be found. Finally he arrives, out of breath and apologetic.
"I'm sorry," says Socialism, "I was standing in line for sausage."
Capitalism says - "What's a line?"
And Communism says - "What's a sausage?"

Capitalism, Socialism, and Communism have a meeting for tea at noon.Capitalism and Communism arrive on time, but Socialism is nowhere to be found. Finally he arrives, out of breath and apologetic."I'm sorry," says Socialism, "I was standing in line for sausage."Capitalism says - "What's a line?"And Communism says - "What's a sausage?"

Feudalism
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with
everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government
gives you a glass of milk.
Bureaucratic Socialism
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the
chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives
you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of
them, and sells you the milk.
Pure Communism
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about
who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one
works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
Russian Communism
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but more...