Smoking Jokes / Recent Jokes
10. Everbody likes sex and nobody likes school, except for virgins and only
because they haven't had sex yet.
9. Sex sucks, moans, licks, pumps, throbs etc..., school just sucks.
8. After sex you feel like smoking a cigarette. After school you feel like
smoking something a whole lot stronger.
7. You only get disciplined during sex if you want to.
6. Drinking drives people to sex, whereas school drives people to drink.
5. Sex releives stress, school is the cause of stress.
4. Nothing beats the "hands on" experience you get with sex.
3. After sex you feel like you have accomplished something.
2. Sex is cheaper. Even if you have to pay for a hooker, it is still cheaper
than paying thousands of dollars in tuition.
1. At least you have a choice whether or not you want to have sex. At
school your teachers screw you regardless!!!
I finally quit smoking by using the patch. I put six of them over my mouth.
What the best way to get a guy to stop smoking after sex?
Fill his water bed with gasoline.
The boy is smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air.
The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her lover:
" Can't you see the warning written on the cigarettes packet, smoking is injurious to health!"
The boy replies back:
" Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors."
A man took a walk along a railroad track. Not paying attention, he got his foot stuck in a gap in the rails. Just then the whistle of the 10 a.m. train sounded in in the distance.
He tried frantically to free himself, but to no avail. Looking up he prayed, "God, please get me free!" The Whistle sounded, again he pulled, no movement. "God! If you get my foot out I will stop smoking." The whistle sounded closer. Still pulling, he only seemed to get more stuck. "God! If you get my foot out I will stop smoking and drinking." Looking up he could now see the train engineer in the window of the engine. His foot still would not move. "God!!! If you get my foot out I will stop, smoking drinking and give my money to the poor!"
At that moment his foot slipped from its grasp in the rail and he rolled clear of the train's wheels... "Never mind God I took care of it myself."
Two young couples marry the same day and, being all friends, leave together for honeymoon to stay at the same Hotel in Venice, door to door.
The next morning, the two brand new husbands step out on their balconies to have a breath of fresh air.
"So? How was it going last night? C'mon, tell me! How's your wife?" "Uhh, fine I guess, she's lying on the bed smoking." "Jesus! My wife just got a bit sore..."