Sleigh Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of3.5 children per household, that's91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the more...

There are currently 78 people named S. Claus
living in the U. S. -- and one Kriss Kringle.
(You gotta wonder about that one kid's parents)
December is the most popular month for nose jobs.
Weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby
for every kid on earth: 333, 333 tons.
Number of reindeer required to pull a 333, 333-ton s
sleigh: 214, 206 -- plus Rudolph.
Average wage of a mall Santa: $11 an hour.
With real beard: $20.
To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to
make 822. 6 visits per second, sleighing at 3, 000 times
the speed of sound.
At that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into flame
instantaneously.

CHORUS
Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma
just as he arrived on Christmas Day
She had gotten sick and tired of hearin'
that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.
She'd been listening to the radio
and she nearly lost her breath
yellin' cuss words at the DJ
for playin' that song where she gets hooved to death.
So she set out on the warpath
there was evil in her eye
she said "I'm gonna find that reindeer
and by golly, one of us is gonna die!"
CHORUS
Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma
just as he arrived on Christmas Day
She had gotten sick and tired of hearin'
that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.
Santa Claus had made a landing
on the new expressway
Grandma was doin' 120
with her headlights pointed straight at Santa's sleigh.
' Twas an awful sound of impact
Grandma really nailed him good
There were hoofprints on her windshield
and a pair of more...

As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't
(appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the
workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an
average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One
presumes there's at least one good child in each.
Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the
rotation of the earth, assuming more...

There had been no snow during the entire month of December. The elves in the bicycle department had been on strike since October, and now there was the possibility that the elves in the doll department might join them.
Daily life at the North Pole was not pleasant, and Santa Claus was in a pretty foul mood. Mrs. Claus was suffering from arthritis and was very mad over the fact that her red velvet cake had fallen in the oven. Santa had tried to round up some extra helpers, but with no snow, they weren't able to make it by sleigh to the workshop.
Rudolph had a bad cold, and his nose wouldn't light up. Comet and Prancer were fighting over Vixen, who had just come into heat. Blitzen's right foreleg was still in a cast, and the vet said that they would have to wait until 24 December to decide if Blitzen would be able to pull the sleigh.
The electricity went off, and all the power tools came to a stop. There was NOTHING going right in Santa's workshops. The helpers were about more...

On Christmas Eve, a young boy with light in his eyes
Looked deep into Santa's, to Santa's surprise
And said as he sat on Santa's broad knee,
"I want your secret. Tell it to me."
He leaned up and whispered in Santa's good ear
"How do you do it, year after year?"
"I want to know how, as you travel about,
Giving gifts here and there, you never run out.
How is it, Dear Santa, that in your pack of toys
You have plenty for all of the world's girls and boys?
Stays so full, never empties, as you make your way
around the whole world, The reindeer pulling your sleigh
From rooftop to rooftop, to homes large and small,
From nation to nation, reaching them all?"
And Santa smiled kindly and said to the boy,
"Don't ask me hard questions. Don't you want a toy?"
But the child shook his head, and Santa could see
That he needed the answer. "Now listen to me,"
He more...

Case Report:
Unique Case of Aerial Sleigh-Borne Present-Deliverer's Syndrome
Source: North Pole Journal of Medicine, vol 1 no. 1, December 1997
Author: Dr. Iman Elf, M. D.
On January 2, 1997, Mr. C, an obese, white caucasian male, who appeared approximately 65 years old, but who could not accurately state his age, presented to my family practice office with complaints of generalized aches and pains, sore red eyes, depression, and general malaise. The patient's face was erythematic, and he was in mild respiratory distress, although his demeanor was jolly. He attributed these symptoms to being "not as young as I used to be, HO! HO! HO!", but thought he should have them checked out. The patient's occupation is delivering presents once a year, on December 25th, to many people worldwide. He flies in a sleigh pulled by eight reindeer, and gains access to homes via chimneys. He has performed this work for as long as he can remember. Upon examination and more...