Skis Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: Why did the Frenchman sell his water skis? A: He couldn`t find a lake with a hill in it.
Yes, I did. Guilt by association. The year I stopped leasing ski equipment and actually bought skis, boots, and poles three years ago was the season of no school snow days. Kids have been blaming me for being deprived of snow-days ever since. It's so balmy that my skis are rusting.
This is us in Switzerland last December.
My timing's always bad. I buy high and sell low. I sold out google in the tech stock crash of 2001 because it was such a silly idea. I bought stock in Enron. I gave away my teddy bear the week before splitting from my boyfriend.
One day a novice skier went up a mountain that any beginner should have avoided. No one would have blamed
her if she stayed behind. At 12 below zero, even Frosty the Snowman would have opted for a warm fire. Hardly a day for snow skiing, but her husband insisted. So she went.
While waiting in the lift line, she realized she was in dire need of a restroom. Assured there was a restroom at the top of the lift, she endured the bouncy ride, only to find there was no facility. She began to panic. Her husband had an idea: why not go out into the woods? Since she was wearing an all white outfit, she'd blend in with the snow.
What choice did she have? She skied past the tree line and arranged her ski suit at half-mast. Unfortunately, her husband hadn't told her to remove her skis. Inadvertently, she began sliding backwards across the slope, without a chance to make herself presentable. With arms flailing and skis sailing, she sped under the very
lift she'd just more...
Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European skier on a U. S. mountain. An appropriate reply: "What Zermatter?" Avalanche: One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse. Bindings: Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from potentially serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers, and so on and on, eventually causing the entire slope to be protected from serious injury. Bones: There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: TWO bones of the middle ear have never been broken in a skiing accident. Cross-Country Skiing: Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain snow-travelling technique. It's good exercise. It doesn't require the purchase of costly lift tickets. It has no crowds or lines. It more...
When you're 47 years old, you sometimes hear a small voice inside you that says: "Just because you've reached middle age, that doesn't mean you shouldn't take on new challenges and seek new adventures. You get only one ride on this crazy carousel we call life, and by golly you should make the most of it."This is the voice of Satan.I know this because recently, on a mountain in Idaho, I listened to this voice, and as a result my body feels as though it has been used as a trampoline by the Budweiser Clydesdales.I am currently on an all-painkiller diet. "I'll have a black coffee and 250 Advil tablets" is a typical breakfast order for me these days.This is because I went snowboarding.For those of you who, for whatever reason, such as a will to live, do not participate in downhill winter sports, I should explain that snowboarding is an activity that is popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough.These are of course young people, fearless more...