Site Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole.2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe.3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside.4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site.N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site.6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe.7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must have the words "long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor more...
First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.
The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Errors have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.
Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again
The code was willing,
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.
Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?
Server's poor response
Not quick enough for browser.
Timed more...
From time-to-time our site requests information from users via surveys. Participation in these surveys or contests is completely voluntary and the user therefore has a choice whether or not to disclose this information. Information requested may include contact information (such as name and shipping address), and demographic information (such as zip code, age level). Survey information will be used for purposes of monitoring or improving the use and satisfaction of this site.
Banta was a carpenter on a building site, he rushed up to the site engineer. "Sir, Sir!" he cried, "Someone just dropped a knife from the top of the scaffold and sliced my ear off!"
The site engineer immediately organized a search party to find the ear in the hope that micro-surgeon would be able to sew it on again, if it was well-preserved in ice and taken immediately to the hospital in a thermos flask.
"Here it is!" cried one of the searchers, waving an ear.
"No, that s not it," said the injured Banta, "mine had a pencil behind it!"
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal. While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted. The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted. The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."
Some more terms for the TECHNO OFFICE DICTIONARY
Perot To quit unexpectedly, as in' My cellular phone just perot'ed.'
CLM (Career-Limiting Move) Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.
Treeware Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
Dead Tree Edition The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms, as in:' The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle...'
Dilberted To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character.' I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.'
World Wide Wait The real meaning of WWW.
CGI Joe A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure.
Dorito Syndrome Feelings of more...