Site Jokes / Recent Jokes
Top executive of Big Construction Company:
Give me a brief summary of what is currently being done on the site.
Middle level manager:
Here... this fellow in the yellow hard hat is one of our employees,
Paddy O'Hara, and talking to him is the foreman, Washington Smith.
Mr. Smith requests that Mr. O'Hara take this long pipe and carry it to
that corner of the site, motivating his request with the fact that
Mr. O'Hara has been in intimate relationship with his own mother,
whereas Mr. O'Hara refuses to carry the pipe, motivating his refusal
with the fact that he is currently in intimate relationships with the pipe,
with Mr. Smith, with the construction site, and with Big Construction
Company.
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
The file you need
might be very useful.
But now it is gone
Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, reboot.
Order shall return.
Wind catches lily,
scattering petals to the ground.
Segmentation fault.
With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
File not found.
The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist.
You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.
Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.
No keyboard present.
Press F1 to continue.
Zen more...
Ebonics Crimmus Pome
Wuz de nite befo Crimmus An' all ower de hood ereybody wuz' sleepin' Dey wuz sleepin' good
We hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck That ol Sanna Clause Be bringin' our check
All o'de fambily Wuz layin in de beds While Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey heads
I passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw When I heard sech a fuss I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"
I looked out thru de bars What covered my doe 'spectin' de sheriff Wif a warrent fo sho
And what did I see I said, "Lawd look at dat!!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon Pulled by giant warf rats!!
Now ober all de years Santa Clause, he be white But looks liken us bros Gets a black Sanna dis nite
Faster dan a Po'lees car My home boy he came He whupped on dem warf rats An' called dem by name!
On Leroy, on 'Lonzo And on Willie Lee On Saphire, on Chenequa Dey wuz a site to see!!
As he landed dat watta' mellon Out der in da skreet I knowed it was fo' more...
Ebonics Crimmus PomeWuz de nite befo Crimmus An' all ower de hood ereybody wuz' sleepin' Dey wuz sleepin' goodWe hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck That ol Sanna Clause Be bringin' our checkAll o'de fambily Wuz layin in de beds While Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey headsI passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw When I heard sech a fuss I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"I looked out thru de bars What covered my doe 'spectin' de sheriff Wif a warrent fo shoAnd what did I see I said, "Lawd look at dat!!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon Pulled by giant warf rats! Now ober all de years Santa Clause, he be white But looks liken us bros Gets a black Sanna dis niteFaster dan a Po'lees car My home boy he came He whupped on dem warf rats An' called dem by name! On Leroy, on 'Lonzo And on Willie Lee On Saphire, on Chenequa Dey wuz a site to see! As he landed dat watta' mellon Out der in da skreet I knowed it was fo' sho' Da damndest site I ebber did seeHe didn't more...
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource more...
At its discretion, this site may remove any material posted on our web site that infringes on the rights of others. If you believe that your work has been used improperly or your copyrights have been violated we encourage you to contact us
Construction, and many more....!
"Construction site"
An Italian, Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction
site. The manager points out a huge pile of sand and says to the
Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping". To the Irishman, "You're in
charge of shovelling". To the Chinese guy, "And you're in charge of
supplies".
"Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a
dent in that pile."
So the manager goes away for a couple of hours. And when he returns,
the pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you
sweep any of it?
The Italian guy replies, "I didn't have a broom. You said the Chinese
guy was in charge of the supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't
find him."
So then the manager turns to the Irishman and asks why he didn't shovel.
The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get more...