Shoes Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."
So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.
Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both more...

IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN LADIES

RULES TO THINK ABOUT BEFORE WEARING SANDALS

Please raise your big toes and repeat after me:... As a member of the Cute Girl Sisterhood, I pledge to follow the rules when you wear sandals and other open toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. that my toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will heels spill over the backs.

And that the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up the big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

I will shave the hairs off big toe.

I will not wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck more...

WILE E. COYOTE, Plaintiff v. s. THE ACME COMPANY, INC., Defendant In the United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B191294, Judge Joan Kujava, Presiding Plaintiff, Mr. Wiley E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, certain products which did cause him bodily injury due to more...

I'm so broke, that when someone saw my mum walking down the street with one shoe on they said: "Hey you lost a shoe!" And she said "No! I found one!" :/

The Rules Guys Wished Girls Knew...
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying more...

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
Hot wax never comes near your private areas.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
Same work... more pay.
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Wrinkles add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted more...

A GUJJU FAMILY IN GUJARAT WAS PUZZLED WHEN THE COFFIN OF THEIR DEAD MOTHER ARRIVED FROM THE US. IT WAS SENT BY ONE OF THE DAUGHTERS.
THE DEAD BODY WAS SO TIGHTLY SQUEEZED INSIDE THE COFFIN, WITH NO SPACE LEFT IN IT. WHEN THEY OPENED THE LID, THEY FOUND A LETTER ON TOP, WHICH READ AS FOLLOWS:
DEAR BROTHERS AND SISTERS,
I AM SENDING OUR MOTHER'S BODY TO YOU, SINCE IT WAS HER WISH THAT SHE SOULD BE CREMATED IN THE COMPOUND OF OUR ANCESTRAL HOME IN GUJRAT. SORRY, I COULD NOT COME ALONG AS ALL OF MY PAID LEAVES ARE CONSUMED.
YOU WILL FIND INSIDE THE COFFIN, UNDER BA'S BODY, 12 CANS OF CHEESE, 10 PACKETS OF CHOCOLATES AND 8 PACKETS OF BADAM. PLEASE DIVIDE THESE AMONG ALL OF YOU.
ON BA'S FEET YOU WILL FIND A NEWPAIR OF REEBOK SHOES (SIZE 10) FOR MOHAN. ALSO, THERE ARE 2 PAIRS OF SHOES FOR RADHA'S AND LAKSHMI'S SONS.
HOPE THE SIZES ARE CORRECT. BA IS WEARING 6 AMERICAN T-SHIRTS. THE LARGE SIZE IS FOR MOHAN AND THE OTHERS ARE FOR MY NEPHEWS. JUST DISTRIBUTE THEM more...