Shlomo Jokes / Recent Jokes

Morris gets a dog
Morris gets a new dog and can`t wait to show him off to Shlomo. So when Shlomo arrives, Morris calls the dog into the house, bragging about how smart he is. The dog quickly comes running and stands looking up at his master, tail wagging furiously, mouth open, tongue hanging out, eyes bright with anticipation.
Morris points to the newspaper on the couch and commands, "FETCH!"
Immediately, the dog climbs onto the couch and sits down. His tail wagging stops and the doggie-smile disappears.
Looking balefully up at his master, the dog says in a whiny voice, "You think this is easy wagging my tail all the time? Oy vay. It hurts from so much wagging. And do you think that expensive organic dog food you`re feeding me is tasty? You try it. It`s dreck - much too salty. And you just don`t seem to care about me anymore. You just push me out the door to take a leak three times a day. I can`t remember the last time you took me out for a more...

Shlomo and Yetta were getting ready to go out to dinner. Yetta comes out of the bedroom and says to Shlomo, “Darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or shall I put on the Gucci outfit?” “What do I care?” Shlomo replies.
Yetta then asks, “Darling, shall I wear my Rolex or my Cartier watch?” “Who cares?” says Shlomo. Yetta then says to Shlomo “Darling, shall I wear my 5 carat pear or my 6 carat round diamond?” To which Shlomo responds “Hey, if you don’t get your act together, and soon, we are going to miss the Early Bird Special!”