Shirt Jokes / Recent Jokes
Joe stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard day's work to relax. He noticed a man next to him order a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket.
This continued several times before Joe's curiosity got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?"
The man replied, "There's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin' good, I'm headin' home!"
A successful, wealthy, bigshot city lawyer and a redneck got into a car wreck on a hot summer day. The lawyer got out of his BMW and the redneck got out of his pickup to survey the damage, and the redneck realized he was at fault...
"YOU STUPID HICK!" shouted the lawyer, looking with contemt at the redneck in his dirty overalls.
After looking over the handsome, impeccably dressed and dignified city lawyer in his $2, 000 navy blue pinstriped suit, carefully knotted red silk tie, starched white shirt, silver cufflinks and black dress shoes polished like mirrors, $1, 000 briefcase and hundred dollar haircut, the redneck walked back to his car, got out a bottle, and brought it back.
He handed it to the lawyer, and said, "Here, you look pretty shook up. I think you ought to take a nip of this. It'll steady your nerves.... IT'S HOMEMADE..."
The lawyer did, but was so angry about the wreck, he refused to speak. The redneck then said, "You still more...
There is a army ranger in Japan and he is wearing a T shirt saying " Marines suck! " Sure enough two marines come up behind him and ask " Hey, whats with the shirt? " The ranger says " And Marines cant read aswell " The marines say " What?! I dont think I heard you correctly " The ranger says " And they cant hear aswell " The marines buddy ( Another marine ) Asks the ranger to come outside.
So the ranger goes with them. About five miniutes later, the ranger walks back in the bar and orders a beer. The bar keep asks: " Hey, what happend out there? Where are the marines? " The ranger replies " Well, the are stupid too, they decided to bring knives to a gun fight "
Your so fat that when you walk outside in a red shirt everyone Shouts' Kool Aid, Kool Aid'
The usually pink polo shirt and khaki pant wearing Wie is hoping to blend in with fellow Stanford students by wearing a pink polo shirt and khaki pants. Also, by being Asian.
Top 10 Ways to Tell that You're a New Dad
10) Getting six hours of sleep is a privilege.
9) The sentence, "Honey, could you take his foot out of my pocket?" sounds normal.
8) You are used to doing everything one-handed.
7) The thought of your mother-in-law coming over for a few hours is a pleasant one.
6) The list of bodily fluids that disgust you has shortened, possibly to zero.
5) Your idea of romance is handholding.
4) You answer the question "How are you?" with "We're fine."
3) You decide whether a shirt is wearable not based on sweatiness, but based on how well the spit-up stains match the shirt's main color.
2) You see a slender teenage girl walking down your street, and you think, "Hey, I wonder if I could interest her in... babysitting?"
1) It takes you two months to write and send out a simple Top-10-style joke email.
Young Bradley arrived at his dates house wearing a shirt that had water dripping from it. "Whatre you doin?" asked his girlfriend. "How come your shirt is soakin wet?" "Well," said Bradley, "it said on the label: WASH AND WEAR."