Shirt Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, a pirate ship is cruising the seas off the coast of England when the scout yells, "There's a English ship on the horizon." Immediately, the crew looks to the captain, who valiantly says, "Bring me my red shirt." The captain dons the shirt and the British ship commences the attack. The captain and his men fight valiantly and crush the british attackers.A few days later, the scout yells, "There are three English ships on the horizon." Immediately, the crew looks to the captain, and again he says (in his most manly voice), "Bring me my red shirt." Again, the English ships begin their attack and the pirates fight off all three of the attacking ships.After the battle is over, one of the mates sheepishly approaches the captain and asks, "Sir, why do you keep asking for your red shirt?" The captain replies, "I ask for the red shirt so if I am injured in battle, you will not see my blood, and will continue to fight." The more...

Confessed killer and creepy pervert, John Mark Karr, may just be a creepy pervert. Authorities are begining to doubt his confession, some have even called it a vain publicity stunt. Questions are begining to surround the case. Questions like, how does a creepy, blue shirt pervert get past the interview for a teaching job? How could he be in Colorado, when his ex-wife, whom he married when she was 16, says he was Alabama. And why do we allow states like Alabama to let 16 year old girls marry creepy, blue shirt perverts.
Even Jon Ramsey, Jonbenet's father expressed his doubts about Karr. "That's funny", said Ramsey, "I don't remember him being there when I was killing our daughter."

Q.) What do you ask a kid wearing a muscle shirt
but has no muscles?
A.) Did you leave your muscles in your other muscle shirt?

Centuries ago when the Seas were ruled by pirates, there was a certain captain. One day this captain was relaxing when the lookout burst into his quarters. "Captain, pirate ship off the port bow!"
The captain then called for his first mate and said, "First mate, bring me my red shirt!" The red shirt was brought to him, they went into battle and won.
The next day the lookout again burst into the room and said, "Captain, two pirate ships closing fast!" Once again the captain called for the first mate and said, "First mate, bring me my red shirt!" The first mate brought him his red shirt and once again they won the battle.
During the celebration the first-mate asked, "Captain, why do you always ask for your red shirt when we go into battle?"
"The answer is simple. That way, if I'm injured, the crew won't know and they won't lose hope."
Just then the lookout burst through the door, "Captain, ten ships more...

Become a Redneck in 25 Easy Steps: A Manual for Yuppies
Are you a wealthy and successful suit-and-tie yuppie businessman who has always had a secret dream that you would one day become a redneck?
Have you always wanted to be a Bubba, but didn't know how?
Is there an inner Cletus inside that dapper and dignified image, just hollerin' to get out?
Well, now you can become the redneck you have always wanted to be!
Purchase the following: one pair of overalls, one pack of chewing tobacco and six cases of beer. That is all you will need to start!
Now follow the 25 easy guidelines in our manual!
Caution: These instructions MUST be followed in your BUSINESS OFFICE.
1) We assume you are a dignified, well-groomed yuppie executive; therefore, as you read this, it is also assumed you are wearing a pair of well-polished $800 Brooks Brothers black dress shoes and silk socks, a $2,000 pinstriped Armani business suit tailored for you, a $150 silk necktie with matching more...

Captain Bravo

Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed,' 'Bring me my Red Shirt.'' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates.

Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumphs and one of the them asked the captain,' 'Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle? The captain replied,' 'If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid.''

All of the men sat in more...

Getting six hours of sleep is a privilege.
The sentence, "Honey, could you take his foot out of my pocket?" sounds
normal.
You are used to doing everything one-handed.
The thought of your mother-in-law coming over for a few hours is a
pleasant one.
The list of bodily fluids that disgust you has shortened, possibly to
zero.
Your idea of romance is hand-holding.
You answer the question "How are you?" with "We're fine."
You decide whether a shirt is wearable not based on sweatiness, but
based on how well the spit-up stains match the shirt's main color.
You see a slender teenage girl walking down your street, and you think,
"Hey, I wonder if I could interest her in... babysitting?"