Selected Jokes / Recent Jokes

APPLICANTS for a job asked to appear before an interview board were told that the candidate who gave the briefest reply would be selected. First came a young man from Lucknow. Being a well-bred Lukhnavi, he knocked gently on the door and asked,' Sir, have I Your Honour's permission to come in?'
'Rejected!' replied the Chairman of the Selection Board.
The second was an equally well-bred Tamilian:' May I enter, Sir?' he asked.
'Rejected!' bawled the Chairman of the Board.
The third was a Punjabi. He pushed open the door and asked,' Vadaan?' (Enter?)
'Selected!' replied the Chairman.

Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer.

Officer looks at Santa singh Then goes thru his certificates and then starts asking him questions.
Following is the transcript: O: Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites.
S: Yes Sir.
Officer started asking questions.
O: Above
S: Below
O: Front
S: Back
O: Left
S: Right
O: Male
S: Female
O: Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S: Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
O: Ugly... U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S: Pichhly... P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our sardar also spells it)
O: U..... G..... L. ..... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S: P. .... I. .... C. .... H. ...... H. ..... L. .... Y......
Our sardar also more...

dum guy calls Air India.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the dum guy and hangs up.
>Once a dum guy was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 Rupees, the dum guy deserved more service. So, when the dum guy fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the dum guy was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
>john is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at john then goes through more...

Once, Banta Singh Went For An Interview.

Questioner: Give Me The Opposites.

Banta Singh: Ok.

Questioner: Made In India.

Banta Singh: Destroyed In Pakistan.

Questioner: Good, You Are Selected.

Banta Singh: Bad, I Am Not Selected.

Questioner: Don't Speak Too Much Or I Will Cut Your Points.

Banta Singh: Speak Less Or You Will Cut My Points.

Questioner: You Are Dismissed.

Banta Singh: I Am Selected!!

Questioner:!!!!

Do you know how Premadasa selected Hema for marraige.

One day he took Hema to his room and both got naked.
Premadasa pointed to his willy and asked "do you know
what this is?" Hema said "meeya". Premadasa made love
to her several times and later decided to marry her.
On honeymoon night Premadasa says "I decided to marry
you becuase you didn't even know what this is, so you
have been a very good girl.. .. and the name of this
thing is payiya." Hema says "Ohh, payiya, I have seen
hundereds of those, in fact last night I had your
bestman's payiya in all my holes. Payi have to be more
that 3 inches long. This your thing is still a meeya".

I heard this joke from a Czech explaining how the new leadership in
Czechoslovakia was selected. I have modified this for an American
audience.
Everyone wondered how Reagan picked Bush for VP in the first place.
Well, this is the story: Reagan knew he had to make a choice; so
he asked Nancy how he should do this. Nancy told him that he should
ask the potential candidates a riddle and see how they do. She gave
Reagan a riddle to use.
So, the next day, Reagan goes to Bush and says, "Who is it who is your
father's son, but not your brother?" Bush replies, "Golly gee, Mr. Reagan,
That's difficult. I'll need to go and think about that one for a while."
In the evening Bush returns and happily shouts, "I got it, Ron! I figured
it out! It's me! It's me!"
Reagan than goes and presents the same riddle to one of the others
(maybe Connelly, maybe Ford) and says, "Who is it who is your father's
son, but more...