Scratch Jokes / Recent Jokes

Introduction: Why Do We Need Humans?
So you've decided to get yourself a human being. In doing so, you've joined the millions of other cats who have acquired these strange and often frustrating creatures. There will be any number of times, during the course of your association with humans, when you will wonder why you have bothered to grace them with your presence.
What's so great about humans, anyway? Why not just hang around with other cats? Our greatest philosophers have struggled with this question for centuries, but the answer is actually rather simple:
THEY HAVE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.
Which makes them the perfect tools for such tasks as opening doors, getting the lids off of cat food cans, changing television stations and other activities that we, despite our other obvious advantages, find difficult to do ourselves. True, chimps, orangutans and lemurs also have opposable thumbs, but they are nowhere as easy to train.
How And When to Get Your Human's more...

This conversation took place between Mr. Kens Tar and his son Klin Ton.
Dad
Son, come in here, we need to talk.
Son
What's up, Dad?
Dad
There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?
Son
I don't believe, if I understand the definition of "scratch the car", that I can say,
truthfully, that I scratched the car.
Dad
Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, And no one else has driven it
since. How can you explain the scratch?
Son
Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I
did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.
Dad
But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of
the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive
away. So again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the more...

Somewhere in America, next week... Dad: Son, come in here, we need to talk. Son: What's up, Dad? Dad: There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it? Son: I don't believe, if I understand the definition of "scratch the car", that I can say, truthfully, that I did not scratch the car. Dad: Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch? Son: Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it. Dad: But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car? Son: Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did "I" more...

Q: What do you call the outside of a hand green-egg?
A: The bombshell!

Q: What does an alarm cluck say?
A: "Tick-tock-a-doodle-do!"

Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A: Because if had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side!

Q: What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
A: "You scratch my beak and I'll scratch yours!"

Q: How long do chickens work?
A: Around the cluck!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road half way?
A: He wanted to lay it on the line!

Somewhere in America, next week...
Dad: Son, come in here, we need to talk. Son: What's up, Dad?
Dad: There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it? Son: I don't believe, if I understand the definition of "scratch the car", that I can say, truthfully, that I did not scratch the car.
Dad: Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch? Son: Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.
Dad: But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car? Son: Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did more...

Somewhere in America, next week...Dad: Son, come in here, we need to talk. Son: What's up, Dad? Dad: There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it? Son: I don't believe, if I understand the definition of "scratch the car", that I can say, truthfully, that I did not scratch the car.Dad: Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch? Son: Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.Dad: But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car? Son: Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did "I" scratch more...

Q:how do you drowned a blonde?
A:stick a scratch and snif sticker at the bottom of the pool!!!