Science Jokes / Recent Jokes
It's So Easy
(Tune, It's so Easy)
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
People say that I'm a fool,
When I take my Cesium into the pool.
And it's so easy,
So doggone easy,
Yes it's so easy,
Where my love's concerned,
To get myself burned.
But it's with Cesium I'm in love,
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
I look into her flame and see,
A sky-blue light floodin' over me.
Though it's so easy,
So doggone easy,
Yeah it's so easy,
When she's concerned,
To get myself burned.
Still it's with Cesium I'm in love,
It's with Cesium I'm in love!
-Songs of Cesium #87
A worried patient went to his psychiatrist."I'm in love with my horse," he said."But that's nothing," replied the shrink. "A lot of people love animals. For instance, my wife and I have a dog that we love very much.""Ah, but doctor," the patient replied. "It's a sexual attraction that I feel toward my horse.""Ahhh!" exclaimed the doc. "What kind of a horse is it? Male or female?""Female, of course," said the bloke. "What do you think I am, a faggot!"
Cesium's Strange
(Tune, People are strange - The Doors)
Cesium's strange,
when you're a stranger
Consummate danger,
ready to blow.
Water is wicked,
wet and unwanted,
Folks are unfriendly,
when you glow.
Don't take it out in the rain.
You're insane!
You're insane!
Don't you remember the pain?
You're insane!
You're insane!
You're insane -
Cesium's strange,
pregnant with danger,
Hand the next stranger
a kilo or two.
Pour on the water,
lamb at the slaughter,
Bathe in the light
that is blue, sky-blue!
Don't take it out in the rain.
You're insane!
You're insane!
You'll always remember the pain.
You're insane!
You're insane!
You're insane -
- Songs of Cesium #13
Iron the Red Atom Molecule
(to the tune of "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer")
There was Cobalt and Argon and Carbon and Fluorine
Silver and Boron and Neon and Bromine
But do you recall
the most famous element of all?
Iron the red atom molecule
had a very shiny orbital
And if you ever saw him
You'd enjoy his magnetic glow
All of the other molecules
used to laugh and call him Ferrum
They never let poor Iron
join in any reaction games.
Then one inert Chemistry eve
Santa came to say
Iron with your orbital so bright
won't you catalyze the reaction tonight?
Then how the atoms reacted
and combined in twos and threes
Iron the red atom molecule
you'll go down in Chemistry!
Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this exam for you.
History: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating on its social, political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, America, Asia, and Africa. Be brief can concise, yet specific.
Electrical Engineering: You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.
Pre-Med: You will be provided with a rusty razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a full bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Don't suture until your work as been inspected. You have 15 minutes.
Public Speaking: Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aboriginals are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except more...
I Wish I had a Pound
Oh I wish I had a pound of cesium.
Oh I wish I had a pound of cesium.
I would take it in the shower,
And I'd glory in its power.
Oh I wish I had a pound of cesium.
---Songs of Cesium #111
Cesium
Cesium,' tis of thee,
Thy' positivity,
Of thee I sing.
Thou whose hydroxide, dis-
solved my wife when she died,
Glorious too, for suicide,
Here, death, is thy sting.
---Songs of Cesium #65