Salesperson Jokes / Recent Jokes

John went to a pet store and selected a kind looking dog. He asked the salesperson about the dog's pedigree.
She said the dog came from a very long line of distinguished ancestors. Both its father and grandfather were dogs.
Its mother, she said, was a bitch and its grandmother was a r-e-a-l bitch. John was delighted and said, "Is this dog smart and intelligent?"
"Oh, yes," she said, "this dog is so smart that within a week it would teach your entire family to talk in its language."
John was impressed and asked if the dog was faithful.
The salesperson replied, "I have sold this dog five times and it has always come back."

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly
remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy
shop and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's
in the display window?" The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach
Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95,
Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced
Barbie for $265.95".
The amazed father asks: "It's what?!
Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"
The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers:
"Sir...,"Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat,
Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and...one of Ken's Friends!

Two shoe salespeople were sent to Africa to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one salesperson called the office and said, "I'm returning on the next flight. Can't sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot." At the same time the other salesperson sent an email to the factory, telling "The prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!"

A group of people were sitting and having coffee. Suddenly, a friend of the mathematician of the group boomed in and said, Did you hear that? A mathematician has developed a theorem which says that every odd number higher than 2 is a prime. So, here are the thoughts of every person in the room.
The Mathematician: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is not a prime. Theorem disproved!
The Physicist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is an experimental error, 11 is a prime,...
The Engineer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is practically a prime, 11 is a prime,...
The Programmer: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 7 is a prime,...
The Salesperson: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 - we'll do for you the best we can,...
The Computer Software Salesperson: 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 will be prime in the next release,...
The Biologist: 3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 - results have more...

Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The
letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and
your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and
continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any
letter you write is letterhead.
You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one
device on your body beep or buzz.
You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because
there isn't one typewriter in your house - only computers with laser printers.
You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends", but you forget to send
your father a birthday card.
You disdain people who use low baud rates.
When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking
with customers - and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty
minutes answering the customers' more...

1. Ride mechanical horses with coins fished out of the reflecting pond. 2. Try pants on backwards at the Gap. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big. 3. Dial 900 numbers from demonstration phones in Radio Shack. 4. Sneeze on the sample tray at Hickory Farms and helpfully volunteer to consume its now unwanted contents. 5. At the bottom of an escalator, scream 'MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!' 6. Ask the sales personnel at the music store whether inflated CD prices are in pesos or rubles. 7. Teach pet store parrots new vocabulary that makes them unsalable. 8. Stomp on ketchup packets at Burger King.. 9. ..but save a few to slurp on as snacks. Tell people that they're 'astronaut food'. 10. Follow patrons of B. Dalton's around while reading aloud from 'Dianetics.' 11. Ask mall cops for stories of World War I. 12. Ask a salesman why a particular TV is labeled black and white and insist that it's a color set. When he disagrees, give him a strange look and say, 'You mean you really can't more...

Gourmet food.
Harry was walking down Regent Street and stepped into a posh gourmet food shop.
An impressive salesperson in a smart morning coat with tails approached him and politely asked, "Can I help you, Sir?"
"Yes," replied Harry, "I would like to buy a pound of lox."
"No. No," responded the dignified salesperson, "You mean smoked salmon."
"OK, a pound of smoked salmon, then."
"Anything else?"
"Yes, a dozen blintzes."
"No. No. You mean crepes."
"Okay, a dozen crepes."
"Anything else?"
"Yes. A pound of chopped liver."
"No. No. You mean pate."
"Okay," said Harry, "A pound of pate then and I`d like you to deliver all of this to my house on Saturday."
"Look," retorted the indignant salesperson, "we don`t schlep on Shabbos!"