Sales Jokes / Recent Jokes

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said. Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him. About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product pro blems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the more...

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Why Jim Smith Lost His First LoveJim Smith wished to buy a present for his first sweetheart, andafter careful consideration he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, he went to a departmentstore and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pairof panties for herself. During the wrapping, the items got mixed up.(The sweetheart got the panties.) Without checking the contents, Jimsealed his package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note. Dearest Darling, This is a little gift to show you I have not forgotten you this Christmas. I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearingany when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your youngersister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wearsthe short ones that are easy to remove. These are a delicate shade, butthe lady I bought them from showed me a pair that she had worn for threeweeks and they were hardly soiled. I had the sales more...

A sales representative stopped in at a small manufacturing plant. He met with the plant manager and presented a box of cigars to him as a gift.
"No, thank you," said the manager. "I did try smoking a cigar once, but I didn't care for it."
The sales rep then showed his display case and, hoping to make a sale, offered to take the manager out for a drink.
"Thanks, but I tried alcohol once and didn't like it," the manager replied.
As the salesman glanced out the window, he happened to see a golf course. "I guess you play golf. I'd really like to invite you to be a guest at my club sometime," he said.
"Thank you," the manager said, "but I played golf once and I didn't like it."
Just then, a young man entered the office. "Allow me to introduce my son, Bob," the manager said to the salesman.
"Let me guess," replied the salesman, "An only child?"

A Sales Representative was sitting in the airport's VIP Lounge and Bill Gates was also there, sitting across the room.
The Sales Rep. noticed Gates, walked over to him and said, "Sir, I'm a Sales Representative and I'm waiting here to meet with one of my clients. This client is a very important one and I need to impress him at any cost to close the deal."
"What can I do to help you?" Gates asked.
"When I'm talking with my client, could you just come over, tap me on the shoulder and say, 'Hi, Ray'?" asked the Rep.
"Sure," Gates replied.
A few minutes later, the client arrived. The Sales Rep. and his client were talking when Gates walked over, tapped the Rep. on the shoulder and said, "Hi, Ray."
"Get lost, Gates! I'm in a meeting!" replied the Sales Rep.

A sales rep's car breaks down in the Scottish highlands.He sees a farmer and asks him where he can find a mechanic.
"Och none of them aroond here laddie," says the farmer, "We're all McDonalds."

A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was
stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if
you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was
really catching a lot of heat. About at his wits's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his
drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."
The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO.
Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to
pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious
product problems. Having learned from his more...