Sack Jokes / Recent Jokes

My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 20 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 50 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for five full minutes!Eventually, he even started putting potatoes in the sacks.

There was a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all running from the cops. They find a barber shop, run in, and ask "got any places to hide?" he answers, "i dunno, you can check if you want" The brunette hides in a box, the redhead in a closet, and the blonde in a potato sack. A few minutes later a policeman walks into the shop. He goes to the barber and asks "did you see 3 strange women walk through here?" and he replies "i dunno, but you can check. He walks over to the box, kicks it, and hears "WOOF WOOF!" and he replies "damn dog!" goes to the closet, kicks it..."MEOW MEOW!"..."damn cat". He by then walks to the potato sack, kicks it, and hears, "POTATO!!!"

One day a man went off to the market to buy rice. Unfortunately, he lost the sack on the way. He went home and told his wife, "The market is too busy today, and besides I lost our sack." His wife asked nervously, "So, what about the money?" "Oh, no problem. It's safe. I have tied it to the bottom of the sack."

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
There were empties and butts
Left around by some louse.
And the best quart I'd hid
By the chimney with care
Had been swiped by some creep
Who'd discovered it there!
Our hung-over guests
Had been poured into bed
(They'll wake in the morn
With a God-awful head)
My tongue, cotton-coated,
Hung down to my belt
And only the seasick
Could know how I felt!
My wife - she had long ago
Gone up to bed
While visions of Redskins
Danced in her head.
And I in the parlor
Sat all alone,
I'd unplugged the cat
And put out the phone.
Just then, through a window
Came noise and smells
Like an overturned beer truck
And tinkle of bells!
I sprang from my chair
To see what was the matter
To see what was causing
The smell and the clatter.
When what to my wondering
Eyes did appear
But eight drunken reindeer
And sled more...

My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, when I was a little nipper, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the hard work of blacksmithing. One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. As he told it, he would stand outside behind the wood shed, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out from his sides and hold them there as long as he could. After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than two full minutes.. . . Then, he started putting potatoes in the sacks... DOH!

Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo,
the keeper finds two finches that have dropped dead from old age. He picks them up and places them in a sack. After cleaning the cage he puts the sack in his wheelbarrow and moves on to the next cage.When he reaches the primate cage he finds two chimps who have also died of natural causes. "Waste not, want not" he says as he puts them in the sack with the finches.Later at feeding time, he flips the dead animals in the sack, into the lions' cage."Bloody hell" roars the lion..."Not finch and chimps again!"

LOOKING through the first Press Commission Report of 1954 presided over by Rajyadhaksha, I came upon a nugget. The commission was examining newspaper owners and questioning them about freedom given to editors. At the time Bennet Coleman (The Times of India group of publications) was owned by Seth Rama Krishna Dalmia whose grandson A. K. Jain presides over the newspaper empire today. Seth Dalmia maintained that he never interfered with his editors and as an example cited the campaign against prohibition carried out by the hard drinking editor of The Times of India, Frank Moraes. The commission was not impressed: "Why did you sack Feroze Chand?" a member asked Dalmia.
"Because he wrote bad English."
"Why did you sack Ranajung Bahadur Singh?" asked another.
"For the same reason, his English was not good."
"Do you know the English language well? Do you regard yourself as an expert on the language?" asked the more...