Road Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two Boy Scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts. Along the way, they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts.
When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came upon a cemetery. The boys decided that it would be a good place to stop and rest to divide the nuts.
The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts into a large pile. In the process, two of the nuts rolled away and settled near the road. The boys then proceeded to divide the nuts.
"One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me..."
As they were doing this, another boy passed by and happened to hear them. He looked into the cemetery, but could not see the boys, because they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town.
"Father! Father!" he yelled as he entered his house. "The cemetery. Come more...

An Alabama fan was driving down a country road when he came upon two Auburn football players hitchiking. He told the Auburn players to jump in the back of his pick-up truck. He then drove down the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were going around a curve. The truck landed in a lake. The Alabama fan scrambled to the surface and swam to the bank. When he looked back at the lake, the two Auburn football players were still sitting in the bed of the truck looking frantic.
As the truck began sinking the Bama fan yelled for the Auburn players to get out truck, to which they replied, "We`re tryin` to get out, but we can`t get the dang tailgate open!"

By now I'm sure that you have heard all the Redneck jokes. Now here are some takes on how Southern folks look at their Northern cousins:
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A YANKEE IF: You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside." You think Heinz Ketchup is really SPICY! You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly. For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits. You don't know what a moon pie is. You've never had an RC cola. You've never, ever, eaten okra, fried or boiled. You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork. You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips. You have no idea what a polecat is. You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle. You don't have bangs. You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags. More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut. You would rather have your son become a more...

This happened about a month or two ago near Lonavala and even though it sounds like something out of the X-Files or from an Alfred Hitchcock movie... it's real! This guy drives from Mumbai to Pune and decides not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest human habitation. It's dark and raining and pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the monsoon rains are so strong he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the car's door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel!!!
Even though there's no one in the front seat and no more...

On the outskirts of town, there was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucket with nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out toward the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered. "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery." He cycled down the road as fast as he could and found an old man hobbling along with a cane. "Come here quick," said the boy. "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls."The man said, "Shoo, you brat, can't you see I'm finding more...

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.
The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!
Further down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again-this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.
"My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf, " says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away!
About two miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.
"My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that, the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost?
I'm trying to take a shit!"

A blonde was driving down the road when she saw another blonde sitting in a canoe in the midddle of a cornfield rowing. The blonde stops her car, gets out and yells " Hey what are you doing? " the other blonde just keeps rowing. Again the blonde on the road shouts " Hey what are you doing? " and the other blonde just keeps on rowing. Then the blonde says " You know, if I could swim, I would come out there and kick your butt !! "