Rice Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
2. Your dad is some sort of engineer.
3. Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15.
4. You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing.
5. You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
6. You shop 99 ranch.
7. Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from.
8. You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.
9. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
10. You've had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library.
11. Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage".
12. You drive mostly Japanese cars..
13. You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
14. You've had to eat parts of animals they don't even more...

You know that Camp doesnt mean a cabin in the woods. The men in your family were gardeners, farmers or produce workers. The women in your family were seamstresses, domestic workers or farm laborers. Your Issei grandparents had an arranged marriage. One of your relatives was a "picture bride." You have Nisei relatives named Tak, Tad, George, Harry or Shig. You have Nisei relatives named Keiko, Aiko, Sumi or Mary. Youre Sansei and your name is Janice, Glen, Brian, Bill or Kenji. Youre thinking of naming your Yonsei child, Brittany, Jenny, Lauren, Garett or Brett, with a Japanese middle name. All of your cousins are having hapa kids. You have relatives who live in Hawaii. You belong to a Japanese credit union Wherever you live now, you always come home to the Obon festival. The bushes in your front yard are trimmed into balls. You have a kaki tree in the backyard. You have at least one bag of sembei in the house at all times. You have a Japanese doll in a glass case in your more...

Chong was studying Engineering in Britain. He soon began missing his fried rice, so one day he walked into a corner Greek store to order a takeaway. But Chong had difficulty rolling his R's and stressing his L's, so when he went into the store, he said, "I want some flied lice." "What?" said the Greek store owner. "Flied lice,"repeated Chong. "Hey, listen to this!" the nasty store owner told the others in the shop. "What is it you want, sonny? Say it again." And Chong said it again, they all laughed. This happened every time Chong went into the store to order fried rice. One day, Chong decided to show them a thing or two, so he spent a whole week practicing. Confidently, he strolled into the Greek store. "Oh, it's you again. We missed you," said the store owner," said the store owner exaggeratedly. "Now what would you like?" "Fried Rice, thanks," said Chong. A stunned silence fell over the store. more...

NATIONAL FLOWER: Bunga Raya (Hibiscus). NATIONAL CAR: Proton. 2nd NATIONAL CAR: Perodua Kancil. 3rd NATIONAL CAR: Perodua Tikus it's suppose to be half the size of the Kancil, but somehow Malaysian drivers will still be able to squeeze in 6 or 7 passengers. NATIONAL BEHAVIOR AT CAR SHOWROOMS: First walk towards the car you are interested in. Then walk around the car in circles, tapping and knocking every part of the chassis with your knuckles. Then say something like "Body not very solid..." After that approach the front left tire, give it a few hard kicks to "test" the tire. Next walk to the rear right side and press the body of the car down a few times, while exclaiming "wah, asorbar not bad". Now you are ready for a "test drive" Get into the car and give the steering wheel a few turns. Flash the lights, sound the horn, recline the seats, open up every compartment etc. Do all these tests while you're pretending to read the more...

Tuan comes up to the border between Vietnam and China on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Rice," answered Tuan. The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but rice. He detains Tuan overnight and has the rice analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure rice in the bags The guard releases Tuan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Rice," says Tuan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but rice. He gives the sand back to Tuan, and Tuan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Tuan doesn't show up more...

A Chinese man, a Mexican man and an American man are sitting in a boat. The Chinese man throws a bowl of rice over the boat says, "We have too much of this in our country." The Mexican man takes a dish full of tacos and throws it over the boat and say, "We have too much of this in our country." The American man takes the Mexican man and throws him over the boat and says, "We have to much of this in our country."

A Chinese waiter had a particular customer who constantly made fun of his accent. Usually ordering Flied Lice and then laughing.
The waiter became upset and decided to end the joke. He practiced constantly in front of the mirror until he could say, fried rice.
Next time the man came in he said, "What is good on the menu today?"
The waiter replied, "_F_r_i_e_d_ _r_i_c_e_, you plick."