Responded Jokes / Recent Jokes

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up."Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?""I was a policeman," he responded."What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked."I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.""Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."A few moments later a second man walks up."Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?""I was a policeman," he responded."What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked."I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers.""Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."A few moments later a third man walks up."Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?""I was a policeman," he responded."What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked."I was a Military Policeman, Sir."

St. Peter was standing at the Pearly Gates when a man walked up.
“Welcome to Heaven, my son. What did you do with your life? ” asked St. Peter.
“I was a policeman, ” replied the man.
“What kind of policeman were you? ” St. Peter inquired.
“I was a vice officer. It was my job to keep dangerous narcotics out of the hands of children, ” explained the man.
“Excellent, my son. You may pass through the gates, ” said St. Peter.
A few seconds later a second man walked up.
“Welcome to Heaven, my son. What did you do with your life? ” asked St. Peter.
“I was a policeman, ” the man responded.
“What kind of policeman were you, ” inquired St. Peter.
“I was a traffic cop. It was my job to keep the roads and highways safe for travelers, ” answered the man.
“Very well done. You may pass through the gates, ” St. Peter said.
Moments later, a third man walked up.
“Welcome to Heaven, my son. What more...

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.
"Oh, killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?
He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

A 60 year old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"
The 60 year old responded, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"
The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing 3 times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."
The doctor couldn't believe it! So he said, "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
The 60 year old responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"
The 60 year old said, "He goes skiing at least once more...

Ok, I know that you can really buy a detachable vagina from an adult store, but here is the problem and my story.

First of all, its very strange to go into a store and ask somebody behind the counter, "Excuse me, where do you keep the vaginas?" Only to have them respond, "Isle 12," like it's nothing, like they do this all the time. Ooops, they do.

Anyway, I am on isle 12 and there are tons of vaginas, just like they said. There are vaginas that vibrate, and I am thinking to myself, "A vibrating vagina? That could be interesting." They even have vaginas with pubic hair. Pubic hair? I'm not gonna be looking at it for its anatomical correctness. And wait, there was even a clitoris! Who is that for? I mean I don't ever remember telling a woman, "Ohhh baby, I want you to rub your clitoris all over my body." I mean, isn't that for the woman? I don't think I am going to try to go down on my detachable vagina, that would be more...

One Easter morning, a Sunday School teacher asked her class if they knew the origins of this, special day. One young man responded immediately, "It's opening day for the Yankees and Giants."
Not wishing to stifle creative thinking, the teacher responded, "What a wonderful answer! But I had something else in mind."
A young girl then stood and remarked, "That's the day we get nice new clothes and go find the eggs from the Easter Bunny.
"That's right," said the teacher. "But there's something else just a little more important.
A young man then jumped up and yelled, "I know, I know!! After Jesus died on the cross, some of his friends buried him in a tomb they called a sepulcher."
The teacher thought, "I don't believe it, someone actually knows."
The little boy continued, "And three days later Jesus arose and opened the door of the tomb and stepped out."
"Yes, yes!" said the more...

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter." What are you doing?" She asked." Hunting Flies" He responded." Oh. Killing any?" She asked." Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."