Responded Jokes / Recent Jokes

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids."
"Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."
A few moments later a second man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers."
"Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."
A few moments later a third man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of more...

God created a mule, and told him,' You will be a mule, work constantly from dawn to dusk, and carry heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years.'
The mule answered,' To live like that for 50 years will be too much Please, Lord, give me no more than 20 years.' And it was so.
Then God created a dog, and told him,' You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years.'
The dog responded,' Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that will be too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years' And it was so.
God then created a monkey, and told him,' You will be a monkey You will swing from tree to tree and act like an idiot. You will be funny, and you will live for 20 years.
The monkey responded,' Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world will be too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years.' And it was more...

A 60 year old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever; you have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"
The 60 year old responded, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"
The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing 3 times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."
The doctor couldn't believe it! So he said, "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
The 60 year old responded again, "Did I say he was dead?"
The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"
The 60 year old said, "He goes skiing at least once a more...

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out. The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?" The nine-year-old replies, "Nope, not for my mom." Without thinking, the cashier responded, "Well, they must be for your sister then?" The nine-year-old responded, "Nope, not for my sister either." The cashier had now become curious. "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister -- then who are they for?" The nine-year old says "They're for my four-year-old little brother." The cashier is surprised: "Your four year-old-brother?" The nine-year-old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike -- and my little brother can't do either of those things."

A guy went to apply for a job with the U. S. Postal Service. During the interview, the interviewer asked the guy if he was a veteran. The guy said "Yes, I fought over in Vietnam."
Then the interviewer asked if the guy had any disabilities. The guy responded, "Well, I stepped on a landmine over there and blew my testicles off."
"Great!" the interviewer responded. "We give disabled vets preference. You can start tomorrow morning at 10 a. m."
"But doesn't everyone normally start at 8 a. m.?" asked the guy.
"Yes, but you don't have to come in until 10. All we do is just stand around and scratch our balls for the first two hours anyway."

One cold winter day, an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for over an hour without so much as a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the lake, cut a hole in the ice not far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and BAM!, a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled the fish in.
The old man couldn't believe his eyes and thought for sure that it was just luck. But, the boy dropped in his line and again, within minutes, pulled in another one. This went on and on until the old man couldn't take it anymore since he hadn't caught a thing in all this time.
He went to the boy and said, "Son, I don't get it. I've been here for well over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here for only a few minutes and have already caught about half a dozen fish. How do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra more...

St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids."
"Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates."
A few moments later a second man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St Peter asked.
"I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers."
"Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise."
A few moments later a third man walks up.
"Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?"
"I was a policeman," he responded.
"What kind of policeman?" St more...